Thoughts of a 22-yr old on hmmm.. Marriage

Marriage- why is it that the very word seeems to freak me out? All these days it was a joyous occasion where I got to meet cousins and relatives, who were otherwise forgotten. A time when three course meals always ended with a sweet or ice cream, we all got new clothes, people were dressed up in their finest, and of course good food(did i mention that already?). This was because it was never mine or even close to mine. But now, approaching the "marriageable age" has brought a fear into my heart, so much so that I'd rather not go to any such functions, rather than be 'discovered' by some aunt who has a son in some God forsaken place who would probably be my 'perfect match'!! Amazing how they just assume suach matches without even knowing me. I may look all sweet and innocent, but am i??

I don't understand why parents think that the minute a 'good family' is found the gal must say agree to it. I mean, come on, who said a good family background accounts to the son being good. Is it enough for the guy to be tall, fair, good looking, earn a bag full (a hand full ain't enuf any more), and have a good family background? Doesn't it matter that the tastes of the guy and gal need to match, for them to understand each others needs, wishes, dreams and desires? More than anything shouldn't the gal be ready for marriage both mentally and emotionally.

As I sit to closely examine the cause of the clenching fear in the pit of my stomach, I realise it stems from love. Love for my parents, my sister, and everything familiar around me. To have some unknown guy just walk into my life and my bedroom is a little bit too much to handle in one shot. Why not take it step by step? I mean how about a live-in relationship (ok ok mom, dad if u do happen to read this don't freak. me just kidding :) )

My fear of marriage is not the occasion itself but everything that comes with it. Having lived my life the way i want for the last 22 yrs (of course within the limits set my parents), it's kinda hard to think of sharing it with someone else until I'm actually ready for him. No, I'm not advocating for a love marriage! I think an arranged marriage is just great. After all marriage brings 2 families together and not just 2 people. All I'm saying is give it some time. It's not enough to just see a guy and say yes to him. I mean even love doesn't happen at first sight! And this is a matter of spending the rest of my life with this guy.. Surely I don't wanna make a wrong choice. Maybe going actually going out and spending some time with the prospective guy would help. I don't wanna use the word 'date' since it has such a stereotypical meaning and it a social no-no in orthodox brahmin circles. I feel a person can be really understood only in his natural surroundings. After all even we are animals. Being in a room, forced to talk just 'coz our parents are waiting outside for an answer is surely not not gonna bring any sort of communication, forget any kinda understanding. The interaction needs to happen before the engagement, not after, because then it may be too late.
No one likes to live with regrets. So live and let live.

bloggers note- i know pretty much wht is gonna go thru the minds if those who read this, so let me clear any doubts in advance. no, my parents have not started looking for a guy for me, this has not stemmed from tht. this is from seeing one of my frens get married, one get engaged and another being put up in the marriage market.