#30DaysTOThirty: My 18th Birthday

There are some memories that are etched so deeply in your mind that when you think about them they seem so fresh. My 18th Birthday is one such memory

12th std. For a change we didn't have any exams. It was a half day at school but no classes as such because we were done with portions. One of my friends, lets just call her "Pisasu" for the sake of anonymity, insisted on going to watch Kal Ho Na Ho in the afternoon after school. Why the hell would I want to go for a Hindi movie on my birthday?? I wanted to take all of them home for lunch but no, she HAD to go for the movie only that day.

Then there was this guy from 11th. My best friend, well more like my brother in that class. He was being his usual painful self. Fought with me before wishing me and cracked some really lame jokes about me growing old and not getting hints. I had no idea what he was talking about. (turns out he knew something I didn't)

I went home kind of pissed that I didn't get to spend my birthday with my friends at school. I was still fuming that a damn movie was more important than me So my mommy darling made lasagna to cheer me up. I ate and then rushed to tuition.

I remember what I wore. I bought a pair of black jeans with a flared end like a bell bottom (worst choice ever because that stupid jeans kept getting caught in the peddles of my cycle. Of course the pant eventually got ruined because the bell bottoms was way too long and kept trailing on the ground. That was the last time I bought flared out pants.) I had a white full arm top with flared out sleeves. (are you seeing a pattern here) and a metallic belt (which I still have). I wore my new clothes and went to tuition.

I know you must be thinking, "Tuition on your birthday. What a bummer!!" The thing is my tuition teacher was my best friend's mom and aunty insisted that I go for tuition that day even though I said I didn't want to. So I went. I figured I could hang out with Jan atleast.

Aunty wished me and there was just 3 of us in tuition that day. We finished early because aunty had to go out. Jan was restless the entire time. She walked in and out of the tuition room a few times. kept whispering to our other friends there and was obviously agitated by something.

But of course I was too occupied with the fact that it was my birthday and still pissed off that my darling friends had walked out of school to go to a movie on MY birthday. What the hell right!!

Finally tuition got over and I went down to the house (the tuition room was on the top floor) to get my birthday gift from my best friend. (she always gives me the best gifts).

I walk into the dining hall to hears some people scream "SURPRISE". Like what?????

Janani and my mom had conspired to throw a surprise party for my 18th birthday. All my 10 C friends, my 12th standard friends (They didn't go for a movie. They went to buy me a birthday gift), my parents, my sister, some family friends. It was amazing!!! In my usual style, I burst into tears (that's my first response to everything- happiness, sadness, anger, frustration). Of course Janani's sister never lets me forget that I burst into tears, but hey I don't plan to forget that either

It was such an amazing birthday. One that is talked about even now.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: The most annoying student. EVER.

Okay so I'm not one to whine and complain about students. Normally. However I have had the pleasure pain of teaching an extremely annoying kid. EXTREMELY

Fortunately this particular kid used to come home for tuition so I didn't have to see him on a daily basis. Thank God for small mercies.

He liked a lot of drama. He had this high pitched annoying voice where he was always complaining about everything. He complained about writing equations, about his chem teacher at school, about having walk up the stairs, about having to wait for his friend to come for tuition with him, about having to write a test,about having to carry a pencil case to class. If you think I am exaggerating, I am not.

He would come to class breathless, despite taking the lift. Would never call to tell me if he wasn't coming for class some particular day. Would chew my brain with the most useless discussion like why pink was meant only for girls and would cry if I gave his friend a half mark more than him. His ego was three times larger than his mouth and I would find my blood pressure rising the minute he walked into the room. The biggest attention seeker I have ever met. Ever. (In fact I can feel my bp rising as I write this and I am clenching my jaw at just the mere memory of him)

I only had to teach what he wanted. Give tests when he decided and mark it according to what he said. He would argue and fight and whine and complain and basically get on my nerves like nobody ever had. I had this constant itch in my palm to slap him so badly. Let me not even get started with how painful his mother was.

All in all it was a learning experience. I learnt how to control my temper and control the urge to go around slapping people. I learnt how to say no to students for the sake of my peace of mind. I learnt that I am not always going to get sweetheart angels as students. I learnt that parents play such a key role in moulding their children (the mother could not control her child) All thanks to that one pain-in-the-ass kid. *shudders at the memory*

krupa

#30DaysToThirty : Girl About Town- Abu Dhabi

Did you guys know that MAC Cosmetics has a lipstick called Girl About Town?Okay I am not here to bore you with makeup stuff. I promise.

In June I had the opportunity to go to Abu Dhabi on work for two whole weeks. It was two insane weeks with multiple one days trips to Dubai, at the start of the Ramadan season and unbearable heat. Just imagine what it was like then. I truly believe that clouds are a rare sighting in Abu Dhabi. Well given the hectic schedule that we had, I didn't get to see much. Okay, I didn't get to see anything in Dubai (No Boss, I am not complaining. Just stating). However Abu Dhabi saw me roaming a lot of malls. Fortunately I have an amazing friend there and his beautiful wife (whom I totally fell in love with because she is simply the sweetest. He is lucky to have found her).  So I was well taken care of the entire two weeks.

It was my first trip abroad without family, and sure I had friends and my boss there, but still... I am one of those who never go on solo trips, because I fear being alone. I don't think I can handle being on my own for extended periods of time. And here I was, in a huge hotel room all by myself. I thought it would drive me mad, but you know what, I LOVED it. I looked forward to heading back to the room at the end of the day to just sit on the bed with chocolate or Pringles and sometimes some juice to watch a movie on the laptop or read a book. I never in a million years thought that I would be okay being there with just me. I was truly surprised at how much I had grown as a person.

One evening my boss was out with my other boss and my friend didn't turn up to take me out for the evening because he had fallen asleep. I decided to take a walk to the Corniche. I had heard so much about it and I hadn't had a chance to see it. I got tired of waiting for someone to take me, so I decided to just go by myself. And that was the best decision ever. It was a good 40 minute walk from the place where I was staying but I got to see the sun set. I got to take in all the sights around. I took a bit of a long route and got a bit lost but it was so worth it. The sky was this amazing combination of blue purple pink and golden. I was inspired to do an eye makeup look based on that (which is still pending. But anyway..) I just sat there watching the sun sink into the depths of the ocean. Got a bit emotional at being away from home for so long and shed a few tears. Then took a deep breath and felt myself relax. It was just so beautiful. I felt so connected to the surroundings. I felt so proud of myself and how far I had come in the past year. I just sat and reflected. After a really long time I felt confident and happy. Truly happy.

Some experiences are meant to happen only alone. That walk to Corniche was the highlight of my Abu Dhabi trip (besides shopping at Sephora. But non makeup lovers will not get it). It made me realise the importance of appreciating myself. After all, if you can't love yourself, then no one will love you. Right?

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: When I talk to myself.

Okay so today I have no idea what to write about. I have typed and erased and re typed and deleted a number of posts over the past hour. 

I had dinner. 

I watched Bones. 

I checked my email and refreshed FB enough number of times hoping that something would pop up that would inspire me to write. But all in vain. I sit here just typing out the first thing that comes to mind. Then again, isn't that what blogging is about. The point of having a personal blog is to have a place to voice what's on your mind. Whatever it may be. I know I know, today's post pales in comparison to yesterday. But hello! If every day was an awesome post then nothing would ever stand out. This way if I write a few crappy posts the ones that matter will really touch hearts and souls. 

I never thought writing for 30 days in a row would be SO hard. I have written for a week and I am struggling, wondering how I am going to get through the next 3 weeks!! I feel like I have exhausted all the topics and then I wonder how is it possible that I could have exhausted all the interesting topics in just a week. Am I that boring? (Ok nobody answer that. My ego cannot handle the truth).

Maybe the lack of inspiration is merely because I have had a long day. Maybe it is good that I never took up writing as a career. Oh! Is this what they call as Writer's block? Makes sense. 

Stupid stupid me for taking up such a challenge. What am I possibly trying to achieve by writing every day? I stopped writing in my journal on a daily basis. What could I possibly have to share with the world for 30 days in a row?? I think I haven't dug deep enough. Haven't explored all options. Surely my almost 30 years of existence on this earth has more stories to share. Hmmmm this something to think about and probably discuss tomorrow. I need to sleep on it. Good night. 

I have conversations with myself. Don't you?

Krupa

#30DaysToThirty: A letter to 20 year old me.

Dear 20 year old Me

You will find dozens of lists that tell you places to visit before you turn 30, food to try before you turn 30, activities to tick off before you turn 30, but I'll tell you something, none of those matter. None of those lists define what being 30 is really like or help you get through your life.

Here are some things that do matter.

1) Appreciate your family.

I have this at the top of my list because after all the sh*t you go through between 20 and 30, you realise that the one constant in your life is your family. You fight, you scream, you argue, you say you hate them, but they aren't going anywhere. It is now more than any other time that you realise how much they have been there for you. It is time to give back. Time to appreciate them. I'm not saying tell them 'I love you' every day but atleast take the time to listen to them. Hear what your dad has to say about saving for the future, or when your mom whines about the neighbours downstairs. Don't shut them off. All they want is to be heard.

2) Identify your true friends

So many people will walk in and out of your life. However everyone has a few people who are there. Nope you won't be talking to them on every day basis. You will be too busy for that. Even if you aren't too busy, they sure as hell will be. But that doesn't mean that you aren't friends. If they come running to you when you cry for help, those are the friends you want for life. The kind whose children will grow up to hear stories about you and the kind of friends who your children will look at and pray to have someone like that in their lives. The friendships that last for 30-40 years and more. Make sure you have invested in those kind of relationships before you turn 30 and keep in touch. (I know I am terrible at it)

3) Learn to let go.

Let go of old relationships that didn't work. Let go of 'friends' on facebook. Let go of clothes you know you will never fit into again. Let go of clinging onto people who always shake you off. Let go of clutter. Let go of wanting to be younger. Let's face reality, that is never going to happen. Let go of bad habits like impulsive buying, smoking, binge drinking and hanging out with crappy people who don't make you feel good about yourself.  Your bank balance, your body and your heart cannot handle that kind of abuse any more.

4) Accept who you are.

I don't like to party. I can't eat spicy food. I can't stay up till at 2 am. I have grey hair and crows feet appearing. I am not where I expected to be in my career. I am not married. I am not even in a relationship. I still live with my parents. I don't own an iPhone. I have not read PG Wodehouse. I think waxing is a pain and waste of time so I live with hairy legs. I love wearing saris. I am absolutely judgemental about guys who can't string words together to make a sentence. I don't believe in love at first sight. I love soppy love stories. I am scared of failure. 

You don't need to list out who you are. Just accept it and deal with it. If you can't accept yourself it will affect your confidence to face the world, and trust me, the world will know and you will stamped down till every ounce of your confidence is buried 6 feet under.

5) Find your zen. 

The world is too small. Every person you know will know someone else you know and anything you say can and will be used against you. You don't like someone at work, suck it in and be professional. You can't stand the aunty on the ground floor, well don't meet her. All the negativity will eat into you over time. You won't see it, but slowly the cold hand of hate will cling onto your heart and turn you into a crabby person. Don't let that happen. Identify what makes you peaceful and do that. Read,write, blog, click pictures, sleep, or just drink tea. Find what makes you happy. Don't let some list dictate that.

6) Be passionate.
In a day and age where the need for money grows, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a job that pays well and makes you smile on a Monday morning. If you have found that then that's great. If you haven't, it is still okay. Don't lose out on doing what you love. Just make some time for it. When you have a zest for life, it will shine through everything you do and without that you are just dead inside.

7) Learn how to be alone.
I know you hate being alone even if it is just for a few hours at home. But I am here to tell you that there will reach a point where you will enjoy being alone. Don't be too surprised. It is the natural course of life. So just enjoy it. Experiment with going out alone. I know you love shopping alone so why not love life. Being a single woman isn't too terrible in a male dominated world.

8) Stop comparing.
Man, I can't tell you how easy this is to do. It will always seem like everyone else is ahead of you in life. People will rave about jobs that they love and that are paying them a million bucks. People younger than you will be married and have kids and talk about how those kids are the only thing that matters to them. Others will post pictures of their "life is one huge party" etc etc. Oh who cares!! By the time you hit 30 you will be numb and immune to all of this. The truth is the ones who seem like they have it all are miserable deep down inside, and if they are not, well you don't need to be associated with such perfect people. Everyone has a sore point about their life, they just choose to not show it to the world. That is what you need to do. You need to stop whining about your job, your relationship status and the lack of a social life. If you were a party person, then you would be out there having a ball, not at home whining about it. Like I said before, accept who YOU are and you will automatically stop comparing.

9) Understand that life isn't over when you turn 30.
Remember all the lists that tell you what you should have done when you were 18, 21, 25 etc. Well guess what? Half the people in the world haven't done even one-fourth of those lists. Doesn't make the entire world a bunch of losers now does it?
So maybe you didn't travel Europe when you were 25, maybe you didn't save as much when you were 29, maybe you didn't get drunk and pass out when you were 21, maybe you didn't find that blogging and writing could be a career when you were 18. So what? Life isn't over.You are just turning 30, not 80. You don't need a bucket list now. You probably never need a bucket list. Our whole lives have become so dictated by what everyone else says especially some random strangers on the internet. When are you going to live by what you want?

10) Change your lifestyle.
If you've accepted who you are and found your zen and let go of the past, the only thing left to do is to change your lifestyle. Change is growth. Allow yourself to grow. So maybe you like broccoli now (eugh I can't imagine that ever happening but I am just saying). Maybe you would rather spend more time cooking than socialising. Maybe you want to watch action movies instead of romance. It isn't weird. After all change is the only constant.

I can't promise that life will be rosy if you figure out all of this by the time you are 30. Hell I don't think life is ever rosy, but it gets easier if you hang in there. Life can be a total b*tch, no one denied that but you get stronger as well.Trust me you will grow into the responsible adult with a sunshine kid inside of her without even realising it. Take care.

Love
Almost 30 year old Me

#30DaysToThirty: The Father-Daughter Deepavali Ritual

It is amazing how somethings just become a ritual without you even realising it. It may start as just a simple task and before you know it you look forward to doing it every year.

For my household making Gulab Jamuns for Deepavali is a ritual. I know you are wondering "Umm why is that so special and why is it worthy of a blog post?"

Being Tam Bram our Deepavali is almost always one day before other parts of India. More important than the Deepavali day is the night before Deepavali. We call it as Neer Roppara pandigai (Water filling festival) and that is when we have a feast with potato curry and onion sambar and vada and payasam. If you aren't Tam Bram then you are surely wondering why onion sambar is a huge deal. We don't use onion and garlic during festival time. Technically we are not supposed to use it at all but that is a topic for another day. Let's not get diverted.

Once we are done with the heavy meal and basically cannot move to do any work, mom cleans the kitchen and then we (father and daughter) get to making Gulab Jamun. This of course takes a lot "when shall we start" questions and "I just need two minutes to finish this" statements before we actually start. Now the steps are split between us.

I make the sugar syrup. Dad will interfere and say add more sugar, more vanilla essence, more everything. Also mom has keep all the ingredients out, preferably measured and kept.
Dad mixes the dough after asking mom where the ghee is and whether the consistency looks soft enough.
I roll the small balls while whining about it is not coming evenly and trying to decide on the perfect size.
Dad fries them while complaining that the oil in the kadai is not enough and the jamuns have just go down and then float back up like in the oil commercials.
Sister turns up in time to eat them. (Yes she is extremely useful. NOT)

This whole process takes about an hour and half. We generally start around 10.30pm and end at midnight, Taste atleast one gulab jamun and then go to sleep. God forbid if the spoon doesn't glide through the jamun when it is cut and it doesn't melt in your mouth. Deepavali is then effectively ruined.

During this whole time we sing, play songs, disturb my mother by asking where the sugar is, where the weighing scale is, why can't anything be kept labelled in this kitchen, and generally have some supposedly quality family time.

Our awesomely soft sweet gulab jamuns is what goes for distribution to the neighbours and colleagues and friends while my mother says with pride that it was made by her husband and her daughter and she didn't have to do a thing. (We know the truth. Shhh..)

That is our little father-daughter(s) Deepavali ritual. What's yours?

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: 5 reasons to watch VIP

I don't know how some people do it, but some stories make you laugh, cry and yet make you think. I never understood what all the hype was about till I watched Vellai Illa Pattadhari.


5 reasons why I liked loved the movie.

1) It highlights the problem which is the gap between our education system and careers.

Dhanush plays the quintessential tamizh boy. The one you see next door, or walking by you on the road. An engineer by degree, he could have done what most engineers do, take up the first job that comes via campus placement which forces one to get into the IT field even if they have a mechanical or civil background. How does this make sense?? Why have those fields of study if no one is going to offer them a job in that line? It is about time things change.

2) Facebook can be useful.

I absolutely agree with this. Facebook was built for networking. Use it that way. The scene where Dhanush gathers a group of engineers by asking for help via FB is not impossible. Social media can be useful. It is all about how you use it.

3) No unnecessary romance

Amala Paul plays the role of the beautiful girl next door. There are no extensive romance scenes. No dates in fancy hotels. No ill timed duets in foreign locations. No unnecessary drama from her side. The perfect supporting role.

4) Comedy is about timing.

Vivek is the comedian in the movie but they introduce him much later. All of the scenes that have you roaring with laughter are built in to the scene itself. There are no statements with double meaning or forced jokes. It is a normal household with a regular family just like you and me. They have fights and dialogues like any one would have with their family. Extremely natural. Like the scene where the mother slaps Dhanush for talking back to his father and the father reprimands her for hitting their grown up son. Neither mother nor father want to give up their son. Isn't what happens in any house?

5) Dhanush's style

I know so many people rave about Rajni's style but off late I seem to have noticed that Dhanush has certain traits that are similar to Rajni. The long drawn dialogues, the way he flicks his hair, the cigarette holding style, and even the laugh. Have you guys noticed that or is it just me?

All in all I see no reason why everyone should not watch the movie. Realistic. Practical and gives a lovely message. What's not to love.
Don't expect to grow overnight like him. Don't wait for tragedy to hit you for you to grow up in life. But do put yourself out there and have faith in your abilities.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: To Yourself

I hate calling my poems as poems. I prefer to call them verses. I don't think they are worthy of being called as poems. Anyway I did a little digging into the old verses that I have written and found one that isn't too embarrassing to be put up. So here goes...

Whatever is over, is over and done.

But what has to be done is much much more

So don't even bother to turn around.

In front of you is opportunity's door.

The past is gone, the future unknown

Only the present is known.

Okay I am sure this did not sound this lame when I wrote it a decade ago. Yet I am going to hit publish because this just goes to show how much my writing has evolved (or so I like to believe. Please be nice and don't burst my bubble).

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: Number 5 on The List is Paragliding. Check.

I have acrophobia. Well I don't sweat buckets when I am on top of a hill, but I am kinda of scared of heights. It is something that I have always been trying to overcome.

I learnt to climb trees as a child in an attempt to scale greater heights and well to keep up with the boys in the apartment. Who said boys had to have all the fun? I forced myself to tackle the jungle gym with as much as ease as possible.

Then came the ultimate test for my fear. Paragliding.

We had gone to Manali and went paragliding at Kulu. I was all excited and totally up for the challenge right till I reached the top of the hill. The entire jeep ride up to the top was fine. Then we had to walk to the jumping off point and the fear that hit was intense. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when your palms are all sweaty and moments from your life flash before your eyes because you are sure this would be your last day on earth. That kind of a fear.

I walked slowly to the top and debated on whether I should backwards instead of forward. Each step seemed like a step toward impending doom and I was wondering what the hell I was thinking saying yes to jumping off a 6000 feet high hill. Evidently the clean Manali air had messed with my head. I was not used to having clarity. All decisions were made with noise in the background. (Try living with neighbours whose tv speakers face the common corridor). For the first time I could hear my mind voice loud and clear - YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. ARE YOU MAD?

We reached the jump off point and while my feet remained transfixed in one place, my eyes wandered. One of the pilots (the guys who would do the jump with us) called me forward. "Why me", I whined out aloud. Before I could react further, two men stood one either side of me, put my arms through a harness, strapped a belt around my waist and told me to hold the harness. I was still trying to grasp what they were saying (mostly because my Hindi is that bad), when suddenly one them held the harness and dragged me off the edge. Literally.

I could hear my mother in the background telling to chant "Sai Ram Sai Ram" to ease my fear. I was too busy screaming because I was pretty sure that there was no pilot strapped along with me and I was just going to be gliding on my own and crash to a gory death among the rocks. (It was 6000feet above ground level, shit scared would be an understatement)

Then it happened, I stopped mid way of a scream because I was already mid air. I could feel the wind playing with my tresses. I took a deep breath of the fresh air and sighed in relief. This was beautiful!! And well I wasn't going to die. I was sitting extremely comfortably and strapped behind was a really nice pilot who kept asking me if I was afraid. "Me? afraid?  Hell no" is what I wanted to reply, but I decided to be modest and say "thoda". It was a breathtaking view and that feeling of gliding in the safety of a harness is par to none other. It really was a one of a kind experience and I have no regrets.

There I did it. Ticked one more thing off my "30 things to do before I turn 30 list". Okay I admit there is no such list. Shhh..

krupa

#30DaysToThirty- 5 things that are not very popularly known about me

Number 1:

I hate honey, dates and raisins but I love bittergourd.

Yeah I know I am strange like that. I do have honey and lemon with hot water every morning and so I guess I am okay with honey. Thankfully I am great at swallowing capsules and I don't need to swallow honey with it. 

Number 2: 

I have a root cap. 

As a child (well more like teenager) I jumped over a wall and fell face first and it was extremely traumatic, both physically and emotionally. Ended up breaking a tooth and hence the root cap. (sure, go ahead and stare at my smile the next time you see me. I DARE YOU!)

Number 3:

Chemistry was NOT my favourite subject in school.

Contrary to popular belief (I have always wanted to use that phrase in a statement) though I am a Chemistry teacher it was never my favourite subject as a student. How am I teaching it you ask? Well it happens. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean you won't be good at it. Give it a shot and you never know, you may end up excelling in it. Oh I should also mention that you need to work extra hard, but then it becomes 'your success story' and is totally worth the hard work!

Number 4:

I have had a journal since I was 13. 

Yes it is true. I have had a personal diary since I was 13 and No, I am not going to share that with any of you.I have always loved writing. It has always been therapeutic and cathartic for me and it is mine! Ever heard of personal? Well my diaries are personal.  

Number 5:
I have Road Rage.
You won't hear me use cuss words out aloud but if you could look inside my head when a person cuts in front of me without using a signal or a pedestrian crosses looking at only one side of a road, you will wonder if it is the same person. I have a dark side too and you do not want to cross my path. Literally.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: The Raghu Dixit Experience

There are very few things that can keep me away from shopping especially when I see handmade goods and Raghu Dixit managed that.

The Midnight Mela at UB city captured my attention more because my sister was playing with Raghu Dixit and the entry was free, and less because it was also a flea market.


What follows is the post that I wrote while at the gig.

There are some experiences that need to be documented immediately because I can feel the words rolling about in my head waiting to tumble out. I am standing in the Raghu Dixit show at UB City as I type this. Yes it is a crime to type while the music makes you want to head bang but if I don't do it now, then I may not have a post for tonight.. Watching Gaurav and Raghu headbang while playing the guitar made me wonder 2 things

1) How do you manage to make sure that your fingers are on the right notes while your head goes up and down
2) Does you head not hurt at the end of it?

Raghu Dixit is not a person. He is more like a presence. The epitome of eccentricity and I mean that in the nicest way possible. From the choice of stage attire- lungis, to the kannada songs with rock music and let's not forget the slightly A level jokes that were censored but not censored. It is very hard for the audience to not laugh at him, with him and identify with the cracks made at them.

There were 11 year old girls singing "gudugudiya sedi nodo" and jiba clad uncles nodding their heads (I think that was their version of headbanging) and 20 year olds jumping up and down, and also aunties in salwars snapping their fingers to the scintillating rhythms. The variety in the audience and the fact that most of them, actually almost all of them knew the words to many of the songs made me realise that this man was something else. My father aptly called him a "Cult".

Bringing out the deeper meanings from old Kannda poems and setting them to a tune that could make a granny in a wheelchair want to dance, is what Raghu Dixit Project is all about. He is enriching the next generation with raagas and thathvams (philosophies of life) in a way so subtle yet so powerful, it is no wonder that this man has such a huge following!!.

His life is story is one of those stereotypical ones where the underdog get discovered one fine day in a small dim lit pub, and then the rest is history. Nope, that is not what makes his music special. His ability to make people appreciate the old Kannada poems is his forte. For the ease of non Kannadigas he made sure to translate and give a gist of each of the songs, a personal touch that was heart warming.

Watching him live was an experience, something that my eyes, ears and feet will never forget. He gave me goosepimples and a slight headache from trying to headbang, but I know I stood mesmerised oblivious of the time and all the stalls selling fancy items behind me.

The Raghu Dixit Project is like a tasty meal, leaves feeling full but yet wanting more. An experience indeed.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty- I write because....

Apparently 30 days is the time required for as task to become a habit, so or I was told by a friend. (I remember reading it as 21 days, but for the sake of this series 30 days it is).

This is fuelled by a number of related and unrelated reasons.

1) First of all, I need to write more. I totally let laziness get in the way of me writing and all the thoughts that should come tumbling down are stuffed back inside my head only to be pushed into a corner and lost in a black hole.

2) Second of all, there is a 30 day blogging challenge going around and it started on November 1st. Clearly I didn't start on time, so I am creating my own 30 day challenge

3) The third reason is now seemed like a good time as any to get on with a bunch of lifestyle changes including spending some more ME time. 

So a blogging challenge usually requires a prompt every day and I am going to be picking up prompts from all over the place and using it to get the creative juices flowing. 

Moving onto today's prompt- I write because...

I write because it is the time I spend with myself. The time I take to talk to ME, as crazy as that sounds. 

I write because it gives me clarity. I can honestly pen down what I feel.

I write because when my feet can't dance, my pen does to the tune of my thoughts. 

I write because bottling up emotions is no way to live.

I write because the sadness inside of me needs a place to hide outside of me.

I write because sometimes the words I say can never truly justify the chaos inside of me.

I write because when no one wants to listen, I still want to be heard.

I write because the rage inside of me can be be more constructive. 

I write because the happiness it gives me is second to none.

I write because it does what alcohol cannot.

I write because self discovery is an actual thing.

I write because it is what I do best.

krupa

Teachers Day Special: 5 reasons why I miss being a school teacher.

It has been close to a year since I wrote here. So many things change in a year. So many! Maybe a little too much. It seemed apt for me to be back for Teachers Day. Sure I am not doing mainstream teaching now but the teacher in me never slept. However I do miss being in a school.

Reason 1: The Company
I promise that I had the best set of colleagues ever!! I still go back to meet them, but it isn't the same. I mean of course it can't be the same, I am not there any more to be a part of the gossip, the laughter, the politics and the dances. What makes them so special you ask? The way they supported me, inspired and took care of me. It was like having 9 mothers and a few sisters (It did get a bit smothering at times, but that's the pinch of salt in the mixture). I know that I have been spoilt for any other educational institution. None can live up to this.

Reason 2: Impromptu holidays
Every time there is a bandh or a strike, I sigh and think to myself at how lucky school teachers are. I was that teacher once. The teacher who would be answering atleast a dozen calls and messages the morning of the bandh to confirm that school was definitely closed for the day.

Reason 3: The Substitution of classes.
Getting alloted a substitution class in a free period is what every teacher hates. The one hour that she should have had free between the endless number of other classes is now ruined by the fact that she has to babysit a class and give up time that was supposed to be hers. If the class is not one of her regulars then she can't even teach and complete portions. She will merely have to sit and maintain silence. How boring.
Now why do I miss substitution of classes after complaining about it so much? Well I saw it as a challenge. If I could walk into school, get alloted a substitution in the morning, go to that class, keep them engaged, silent and yet get my work done, I would consider that as an accomplishment. I would pat myself on the back and stare in amazement at the woman in the mirror who was so talented.
Sitting at home ensuring that the milk does not burn while replying to text messages, trying to answer the doorbell and sweeping the hall is not half as good as that. See I was definitely a better teacher than a caretaker of the home.

Reason 4: Summer holidays/ Christmas holidays/ Dussera Vacation
The first thing we would do on getting the school calendar would be to highlight the holidays in hearts and bright colours. Looking forward to those days would help us get past the other days when we ran from class to class. Also for most of us aka yours truly, the holidays were the only times when we weren't playing teacher, power point maker, photographer, editor, choreographer, agony aunt, policewoman, and counsellor all in one. Looking back now I really have no idea how I managed it. Holidays were just me, me and me time.  Boy! Those were good times.

Reason 5: Learning from the Experienced.
Anyone who knows me, know how much I have complained and whined and cried about corrections. Especially about Board Corrections. However looking back now I realise how lucky I was to get to go for it. The amount of experience and knowledge I gained from those 15 days of sitting in uncomfortable chairs and getting backaches was absolutely worth it!! The confidence that I have today to be able to teach definitely stems from knowing that I am one of the privileged few who had the opportunity to interact with so many other chemistry teachers from different schools and learn from them. That experience is something that is worthy of its own blog post and I am going to work on that. Eventually.

I guess there are a lot more reasons I miss being a teacher. The energy of a classroom. The hyperactive young minds. The chaos. The noise. The power to stand silently and get pin drop silence in the class. Interacting with kids who probably could teach me chemistry. *long dramatic sigh* SO So many reasons.
But hey. this post wasn't about feeling sad. It was just me talking to you. It has been a while you see.

Till next time...

The Culmination

My exam is tomorrow and I am sitting and typing out this post now. Well, everyone needs a break. Or like my parents keep reminding me, I apparently study in the breaks :P

Tomorrow marks the culmination of 6 months of work. I wanted to write hard work, but no, in all honesty maybe I could have worked harder. (Is it just me or does everyone feel that way before an exam?)

To sit in one place for more than 45 minutes staring at carbohydrates and sphingolipids has really exhausted me mentally.The monstrosity of the the syllabus that I have had to swim through has left me overwhelmed. And yes, I am definitely feeling the pressure, but I think it is more just the pressure that I quit a job I love, to sit and study for one of the more competitive exams in India. I have had my many many moments of frustration, many feelings of being incompetent and of course, the worry that what I am just not good enough.

So,does mean that if I don't clear this exam everything ends here? Hell no! Just studying for this exam has given me enough and more ideas of what I want to do after this. It has definitely given me direction and clarity. It has reminded me of how much I love being a teacher and a lifelong student, of how much I love biochemistry as a subject.

For the first time, in a very long time I feel focussed and my heart says "Bring it on".

This isn't the end, it is definitely the beginning.

".. And miles to go before I sleep,

     And miles to go before I sleep"- Robert Frost

Krupa

The Invigilator

Today I write a post not as a teacher but as a student.

I wrote an entrance exam recently and it was quite an experience. For starters, studying for an exam after 5 years is a task. Not just a task but a huge mountainous task (is mountainous even a word? It didn't get underlined in red, so I will assume it is and move on). It took a lot of will power from my side, and nagging from my parents to get me to sit and study for an exam again. My students, rather ex students, took great pleasure in telling me "go and study and stop texting", or asking me " Ma'am how is your preparations going on?". Some took it one step further and said "Ha now you know how we felt!". Somehow they managed to forget that I have written exams before, and then eventually became a teacher :P However, I digress.

The exam I wrote was very different from previous entrance exams. For starters, there were two blocks on which the examination was conducted. If that wasn't enough of a confusion, there were no roll numbers written on the desks in the hall. Every person who walked into the classroom looked around in sheer confusion and desperately checking each desk for their roll number. It was a free-for-all, sit-where-you-please type of seating. That has never happened to me before.

The Invigilator, dressed in a floral shirt and pants to match the shirt, walked in around 2pm in slow motion, looked around and then opened the box containing the question papers. After this he decided to ask us, "are you all writing the Biology exam?". (good time to check dude, after we sit in the hall and the exam is due to start)."What time is your exam supposed to start?"- that was the next question that sent a ripple of shock around the room and had everyone looking at everyone else. What kind of invigilator was this??

The Invigilator then took a good 20 minutes to read the entire question paper and then instructions before he handed out the papers to us.
After handing out answer sheets, he decides to re read the instructions on how to fill the answer sheet and successfully confuses even the clear ones.
Here are the instructions (I am quoting only the ones that confused him)
3. Fill the details such as name, address etc in pen on the reverse of the answer sheet
7. (iii) Fill in the reference code and the answers in pencil.

I still can't figure out how that can be confusing, but oh well, maybe his mass of hair was stopping his ears from hearing what we were trying to tell him. (he had a long pony tail that would have made my sister envious. It was definitely longer than hers)

After this he walked around checking our hall tickets and handing out the question papers. As he did this, he took a nice long good look at our faces and the terribly printed photos on our hall tickets. I am sure he was just trying to find 6 points of difference between the real person and the printed person. By the time he finished this process it was 2.40pm. (Writing time was supposed to start at 2.30pm). Once he had distributed all the papers, he says, "Start the papers when you want. Relax and write slowly." Eh... what?

The next shocker was the fact that The Invigilator just walked out of the room just as soon as everyone had started writing, for a good 10 minutes. Ummm.. I am sorry, was this not an examination hall?? Okay focus on your paper Krupa. Not like anyone would copy. There is no concept of sharing is caring in a PhD entrance exam.

I then put my head down and started working out rate of reaction questions, while silently thanking God that I was a chemistry teacher. The next time I looked up (which was after 10 minutes and two questions later), The Invigilator is busy peeling an orange, removing the fibres and eating it in a super slowly (I think he may have been counting 32 times in his head). He did this at a steady pace for the next 20 minutes (and no I didn't spend the next 20 minutes staring at him eat an orange. I just kept looking up every time I didn't get a question).

The classroom was really silent, just like any examination hall when suddenly we all hear a loud whisper, "I am in an exam.", we look up to see The Invigilator on his cell phone. 10 minutes later he walked out yet again.

In the middle of all this, the big clock on the wall wasn't working and The Invigilator had to climb up on a chair, get the clock down and reset it. Talk about disturbances and distractions.

Despite all this, I managed to sit through a a two hour exam for one hour and forty minutes before I decided that I had had enough of staring at wavelength questions that were simply not meant for a non-physics brain to answer. I got up, submitted my answer script and walked out. End of story.

Well that is one exam done. One more to go. It was an experience and hey, The Invigilator, definitely one-of-a-type kind of guy.

Now that this is out of my system, I will go study.

krupa

5 types of students you find in an exam hall

One of the most boring things to do as a teacher is invigilation for a Board Exam. It is like a slow torture cell, but that experience is reserved for another post. Yes it deserves an entire blog post dedicated to itself. We also have to invigilate school exams and that is a different kind of experience. Our school made sure that the three hour exam was broken into smaller sessions of an hour or hour and half for each teacher to do invigilation duty. That's pretty bearable provided you find a way to entertain yourself. For me, I found it fascinating to simply observe the students as they write the exam. Over four years of teaching I realised that there are some "types" of students that a recurring occurrence in each batch, so I thought I would introduce you to some of them.

1) The Late Lateefs- These are the one who walk in late even for an exam. They are just chilled out and well they know they are late but what could they do, traffic didn't reduce just because they had an exam. And getting up early? That was totally not a possibility after pulling an all nighter. They would be the last student to enter the exam hall, and mostly would have to be reminded to get their pencil case from their bag before entering the hall. Mostly they don't care about how they look and walk in like a ragamuffin.

2) The Transfixed- There is always this one student that would just stare into space for a sufficient amount of time before putting pen to paper. It usually wasn't a one time occurrence during the exam. At some point during the exam they would just stop writing and stare. Now if this person was staring directly at you, it is really creepy. I am never sure of how to react, so I just get up and walk away. The thing is, they aren't actually staring AT you, but more like THROUGH you. In some cases their eyes follow you as you walk around and have such a blankness that it makes you panic about whether they know anything or not. Then they will suddenly put their head down and write with such vigour it makes you wonder if the answer was written on you or projected somewhere behind you.

3) The Prim and Proper- I don't mean to be a sexist, but this is usually a girl. Sometimes more than one, but definitely atleast one. Its always so easy to identify her. She will have a pencil case with two backup pens, pencils, an eraser, sharpener, scale and sometimes colour pens or pencils depending on the subject. Even if during exam time, she will come neatly dressed, hair pinned away from her face, and turn up early, not just to school but also enter the hall before any teacher tells her to. She will arrange her pencil case and exam pad neatly, set down her water bottle next to her and then sit silently and pray.

4) The Crammer- This one is also The Procrastinator. You will see him/her with notes/ textbook in their hand right until the teacher says, "get in and sit down or you will lose reading time". Once inside, their lips will keep muttering something, or they will keep writing in the air. It is their way to trying to recall the last few points that they have crammed.

5) The Hair Fixers- These are definitely the funniest to observe. Their hand never leaves their hair. Like the keratin is providing all the information needed to write and the answers are flowing out of their brain cells, through hair, through their fingers down to the other arm that is busy writing. It is always easy to make out when they don't know an answer because their hand will automatically mess up their hair. Once they have it figured it out, they will start to set their hair neatly again.

There are a few more but these are the most common. I'm sure after reading this some of my students will be identifying themselves with this. I am not talking about any one of you in particular, but hey if the cap fits, go ahead and wear it.

A proud granddaughter

When my grandmother passed away. I wrote a really emotional piece about it almost immediately. It affected me a way that I tried to describe in words but I doubt I could do justice to the actual feeling.

It has been 6 months since my grandfather passed away. I know you must be wondering why I am writing this 6 months later. Was I not upset enough before? Was I not affected by his death? 

Well it so happens that today would have been his birthday. he would have been 88. I always felt proud that my birthday was just 2 days after him. It made me feel closer to him. That and the fact that I, being the first grandchild of the house was definitely the most pampered, even by him. I like to believe that even though I didn't inherit his nose, I did inherit certain other traits from him. 

He was quite the disciplinarian. Always woke up early, went about his duties of tending to Ganesha first, and then the garden, meticulously practised shorthand for as long as he could, religiously avoided the television except for the 8pm news, and went to bed by 9pm at the max. We heard stories of his famous temper but being the grandchildren we were never subjected to it. 

He was quite methodical in his daily activities, like the puja done for the Ganesha just outside the house. That puja was a huge part of his daily routine and well when we were in town, we would all fight over who would get to do the puja on his behalf. The condition was simple- you had to wake up early and have a bath before my grandpa got everything ready for the puja. Being the eldest grandchild, I liked to assume that it was my prerogative to be chosen to do it. But that;s not how it worked.
Now mind you, if you had to do the puja, it had to be done his way. You could NOT change the order in which he did it. Cleaning, washing, drying, redressing and then finally lighting the karpooram (camphor). It had to be done the exact way he would do it, and he would watch you like a hawk as you performed the whole routine. 

Lunch at 10am, that is the other thing that had to be followed very strictly. I know this is a concept beyond comprehension for any one who is not from a traditional Tam Bram family. No breakfast, just lunch at 10am and then tiffen at 3pm and dinner at 7,30pm. Well it makes sense, I mean heavy breakfast, light lunch and lightest dinner. Sorry, I digress. 

Today, being his birthday, I realise I do miss him more than I have expressed. I look at my cousins, my sister and myself, and I see various aspects of my thatha in each of us- being strong, hardworking, methodical, meticulous, the infamous rage, taking the responsibility of overlooking any work that needs to be done in the house, sincerely practising whatever skills we have, and oh yes, our command over English. He certainly left us with a rich inheritance. 

On Being at Home.

November 1st, 2014 marks six months of me being at home jobless (for lack of a better word). May 1st 2014 marked the start of a new phase, Krupa without a job. I have moments where I can't believe its already been 6 months.

Lazing around in PJs all day, having a relaxed morning and nice hot lunches, all the time for catching up on reading, more time to blog, time to do more product reviews and get the cleaning done. I would try a new recipe every week. I would have a brilliant day every day with time to achieve everything I want to and more. I'd live the ideal life at home where I would not be too busy nor too bored. Pfftttt!!

What sucks the most is the lack of a routine. I loved getting up, getting ready and going to school. The routine of staring at my wardrobe every night in search of something to wear for the next day was extremely frustrating but strangely comforting. Monday morning blues for me came into existence only if I had marks submission. On the whole I am a creature of habit and going to work meant having that set routine through the day. Sometimes weekends would be irksome due to the lack of a schedule. Being home meant creating a routine. This was just frustrating. I would wake up extremely enthusiastic about my plan for the day but by 10am I was back to my old student ways, namely falling asleep on my books, watching endless reruns on tv or worst, channel surfing even though there is absolutely nothing on tv to watch.

I've come to realise that I am not as self disciplined as I liked to believe I am. I'm just as easily distracted as the next person and go into these moments of " What is the purpose of this?". Teaching gave me a purpose. I studied better when I had to teach. (I can hear some of you out there thinking, so why don't you teach someone and you will learn better. I already started teaching biochem). Also it was so much easier when they just gave you a time table that you had to follow in school.

Time. That's the other thing I wanted to talk about. Everyone thinks that being at home means you have more time. Wrong! There is always something to do. I really have no idea how time goes in a day. I always have people telling me- but you're at home, you have all the time in the world. Trust me, time is the most elusive thing ever. More so when you are home doing a dozen things and trying to get more done.

Yes I am doing a dozen things besides studying. I am studying as well okay (I know my dadddy will read this and comment that I am not stuyding enough). Multi tasking keeps my brain active and occupied. I know that's the burning question on everyone's mind- What are you doing?
I give a different answer to that question every time but I think the best answer would be, I am keeping busy and learning a lot. I have finally found my balance and what works for me. Details about what I have done so far will be a post of its own.

In short being at home has been an experience in itself. As one of my friend's put it "you have the time to achieve everything you want, just prioritize". It has a been a journey of self discovery (I am discovering that there are things about myself I don't like). It has been relaxing in a way. I am living for myself after a very long time.

My time at home has truly been about "I Me Myself" (and don't mean just this blog.)

The Comiccon Experience

Confession- I have never read a Marvel comic. Yes yes I can hear the gasps.

When you say comics, Tinkle and Archies are definitely the first ones that come to my mind. In terms of superheroes, Ironman is my favourite. Robert Downey Jr converted me into a fan. In fact I watched Avengers only because of him and Mark Ruffalo.

Being the kind of person that I am, I wouldn't say that going Comiccon was a natural decision. But well, things for a happen for a reason and my cousin had some extra tickets so I went. I had no idea of what it would be like or what to expect, but that's good right? No expectations means no disappointments. That's exactly how I felt when I came out. Not disappointed at all.

The one thing that struck me was the number of stalls selling quirky merchandise. I had heard of a few like Chumbak, but I was exposed to a whole bunch of new brands. Graphicurry was one place that completely caught my attention. They truly took graphics to a different level. Lots of new gifting options were there.

I expected to see a lot of people in costumes but there weren't as many as I expected. Maybe people aren't yet ready to shed their inhibitions and be someone else for a day. Not like I went in costume to comment on that.

Watching Big Bang Theory always made me wonder what the whole hungama over Comiccon was. I never thought it would be such a huge thing here. By 1.30pm the place was super crowded and like my friend commented, "if you weren't careful, you may lose an arm". Maybe it was crowded only because of the hype around it or maybe that many people are actually into comics. I don't know.

There were families with little kids, college kids, and lots of working people who were just chilling on a weekend. I guess Comiccon gave everyone something to do besides sit in a cafe or roam in a mall. I think it sucks that there is no place to go in Bangalore that doesn't involve food. As much as I love eating, some times I would like to just get out and chill some place, and not shell out hundreds of rupees every time I do. Anyone feel the same way??

It was interesting to see how graphic novels seem to be taking the centrestage these days. We had the opportunity to witness the release of yet another graphic novel. This was on the Kauravas and well I was lucky enough to win a copy. Thank god for reading the Mahabaratha, eh.

As I type this out I just realised that I didn't see anything on Garfield or Calvin and Hobbes. No stalls selling merchandise and I am pretty sure we left no stall un-viewed. I would have thought that they are simply the most popular comic strips of the yesteryears, and even today. Who hasn't read Calvin and Hobbes and chuckled at that kid!

Overall it was an enjoyable experience. I came away with a bunch of merchandise for the sister and friends and a badge for myself that says "Everybody lies". More importantly I came with tired legs, aching shoulders and the feeling of having had a really relaxing day. Sometimes it is nice to just find the fun person in you and squeal at the idea of taking a picture with a person in costume. After all it is not everyday you get to fight with light sabers or wear coloured wigs right?

Teacher's Day Special: 5 things I learnt as a teacher

The one thing that I have always believed in is that you learn something new every day. This does come with a clause, you have to be open to learning and willing to receive knowledge from any one and any thing. This is especially true when you are a teacher.
Teaching younger children usually reminds you of your childhood days and brings back memories of a time when every 'big deal' as forgotten in a few minutes. However teaching older children, on the brink of adulthood is a whole different ball game. Here is what I learnt teaching

As teachers more often than not we go to class with a certain mindset. This is a naughty class. This class never listens to anyone. This class asks the most silliest doubts. This class is just rude, loud and obnoxious.

Lesson 1: Never go with a preset notion. A bunch of rowdy 17 year olds can truly astonish you with their sensitivity. They can surprise you with their philosophies and thoughts if you give them the chance.

I had a teacher who had us labelled as "creatures", I was hell bent on NOT labelling my students. That's easier said than done. After a point your mind automatically says, 'I have a bunch of blondes. I might as well give up on trying to make them score better'. 

Lesson 2: Never give up! With patience and perseverance anything is possible. I have seen my students who have failed all through school exams but get a 1st class in the Boards. (I like to believe it is because I believed in them, though I never believed in my teaching ability)

I talk really fast. It is who I am. And so this often leads to the tendency to trip over my own words (I am also clumsy and so I trip over my own feet as well. You would think that a dancer would be more elegant and graceful). In my hurry to explain a concept before I forget it, I just blurt it out. It could be considered as a word vomit. This usually happens because I know if I slow down, I will forget what I want to say. It is usually at this point that I completely mess up the concept and teach something wrong. More than once I have had a student correct me. Humiliating? No. 

Lesson 3: Just because you are the teacher, doesn't mean you know everything. Being open to corrections and criticism is what has helped me grow as a person.
I am human, I err.

There was this boy in my class, definitely the smartest kid I had ever met, (I truly believe I will never meet anyone smarter than him ever again), but that wasn't why I was fond of him. Never once did I ever hear him say no when someone asked him to solve a problem. More importantly never once did I hear him brag about his marks. Never once did he look bored by what I taught in class, even though I know he knows more than me. 

Lesson 4: Humility. Not just as a teacher but even as a human being this is an essential quality. It makes a person outstanding. As a teacher it is all the more important to be humble. This kind of correlates to lesson 3 as well.

I know that I have teachers that I have loved and till today I am still in touch with them and I wish them for their birthday and Teacher's day. I am talking about a few teachers in school who have really made a huge impact on my life and even my friends lives. These are the few teachers who were the first to know when I got a job and also when I quit my job.
To have that feeling reciprocated by my students is something that words cannot do justice. They have truly surprised my with their love and affection. I am not talking about the birthday wishes or gifts. I am talking about their actions. Simple things like calling up out of the blue just because they wanted to tell me what was going on in their life and find out what was going on in mine. It is a feeling of belonging. 

Lesson 5: Unconditional love does exist. Every time you feel that you students hate you, they will turn around and do something totally unexpected to show you they don't. You've just got to be patient till they realise what you mean to them and make sure that you don't forget to show them what they mean to you.

Like I said in the start, you can learn something new every day, as long as you aren't a horse with blinkers.

krupa