Things have changed

Why does it feel like you've moved away?

You say you're there

I see you there

But somehow it doesn't feel like before

Reassurances aren't always enough

I know you care

So why do I feel a pang when you're with someone else

A cold hand covers my heart when you care for others more than me

What is it?

Jealousy?

Surely not!

We're way way past that stage

Aren't we?

But one thing I do know

Things have changed

Between us

Is it you or is it me?

Maybe its both.

Whatever.

I miss you.

Thoughts of a 22-yr old on hmmm.. Marriage

Marriage- why is it that the very word seeems to freak me out? All these days it was a joyous occasion where I got to meet cousins and relatives, who were otherwise forgotten. A time when three course meals always ended with a sweet or ice cream, we all got new clothes, people were dressed up in their finest, and of course good food(did i mention that already?). This was because it was never mine or even close to mine. But now, approaching the "marriageable age" has brought a fear into my heart, so much so that I'd rather not go to any such functions, rather than be 'discovered' by some aunt who has a son in some God forsaken place who would probably be my 'perfect match'!! Amazing how they just assume suach matches without even knowing me. I may look all sweet and innocent, but am i??

I don't understand why parents think that the minute a 'good family' is found the gal must say agree to it. I mean, come on, who said a good family background accounts to the son being good. Is it enough for the guy to be tall, fair, good looking, earn a bag full (a hand full ain't enuf any more), and have a good family background? Doesn't it matter that the tastes of the guy and gal need to match, for them to understand each others needs, wishes, dreams and desires? More than anything shouldn't the gal be ready for marriage both mentally and emotionally.

As I sit to closely examine the cause of the clenching fear in the pit of my stomach, I realise it stems from love. Love for my parents, my sister, and everything familiar around me. To have some unknown guy just walk into my life and my bedroom is a little bit too much to handle in one shot. Why not take it step by step? I mean how about a live-in relationship (ok ok mom, dad if u do happen to read this don't freak. me just kidding :) )

My fear of marriage is not the occasion itself but everything that comes with it. Having lived my life the way i want for the last 22 yrs (of course within the limits set my parents), it's kinda hard to think of sharing it with someone else until I'm actually ready for him. No, I'm not advocating for a love marriage! I think an arranged marriage is just great. After all marriage brings 2 families together and not just 2 people. All I'm saying is give it some time. It's not enough to just see a guy and say yes to him. I mean even love doesn't happen at first sight! And this is a matter of spending the rest of my life with this guy.. Surely I don't wanna make a wrong choice. Maybe going actually going out and spending some time with the prospective guy would help. I don't wanna use the word 'date' since it has such a stereotypical meaning and it a social no-no in orthodox brahmin circles. I feel a person can be really understood only in his natural surroundings. After all even we are animals. Being in a room, forced to talk just 'coz our parents are waiting outside for an answer is surely not not gonna bring any sort of communication, forget any kinda understanding. The interaction needs to happen before the engagement, not after, because then it may be too late.
No one likes to live with regrets. So live and let live.

bloggers note- i know pretty much wht is gonna go thru the minds if those who read this, so let me clear any doubts in advance. no, my parents have not started looking for a guy for me, this has not stemmed from tht. this is from seeing one of my frens get married, one get engaged and another being put up in the marriage market.

Friendship

It's not about how often you go out on trips together
But about all the good times you spend together.

It's not about how long you talk to each other
But how much you listen to the other person.

It's not about giving gifts on special occasions
But about giving all the love that you have.

It's not about fights and making up
But the silence that only you both understand

It's not about going shopping or partying together
But about being there for each other.

It's not about how many times you've had sleep overs
But about how many times you've willingly given up your sleep for them

It's not about saying "Thanks for being there buddy"
But about knowing it.

It's not about having a million friends by your side
But having one who's worth a million.

Chennai

The feel of the warm salty breeze
Narrow cobbled streets
People just standing at street corners and gossiping
Non stop tamil songs on the radio
Curd made of sweet Aavin milk
The feel of grains of soft sand between the toes
Squishy wet sand
The cool sunrise during summer
The warm sunset during winter on the beach
The sound of ever ebbing waves
Cotton candy, balloons
Mangai thenkai patani sundal
Ice cream and cake at midnight
Smell of sugar and ghee in a sweets shop
Typical south indian three course meal
Late night family time
Wild roaming, lots of coffee
Shopping
Brain storming sessions that give no solution of what to do
Complete relaxation
An afternoon breeze through the house
Lots of sleep and good food
Relative, frenz and jus people we know
All this and more
Only in the beautiful city of Chennai
Always the best holiday