6 lessons learnt in 6 months of marriage

Yes it has been 6 months since I got married. Time Flies would be the understatement of the year. 6 months of being Mrs Krupa. 6 months of living in a new house with a new family. So what have these 6 months been like? Well a roller coaster indeed, but a slightly tame one.

Here are 6 things that I have learnt in these 6 months of being married.

1) Wedding Albums are the the most tiring job.
When I said 6 months of being married, I am sure the thought crossed your mind that you haven't seen my wedding pictures yet. Well if you are friends with my dad on Facebook you would have seen some snippets, but the album is not yet printed and I have not yet updated any pictures on my Facebook yet. Why?? Well the first 2,3 months just seeing the pictures got me very emotional and I all I could do was stare the pictures and not really think logically about what to print and what to discard. The next 2-3 months just went by in a whirl of household duties, travel and general laziness. Honestly putting together the album was not as fun as posing for it was.

2) Don't opt to make Puri when you are heading out for the day.
Did that title make you go 'eh'?? Well the story goes like this. I really wanted to make puri sagoo one weekend as breakfast and it so happened that I ended up making this on a day when I had to head out in the morning. It took me well over 60 minutes to roll out about 40 odd puris and lets not forget another hour to get the sagoo done before that. What's the lesson learnt here? A major one in time management. Don't choose to go in for elaborate menus when you need to go out. You don't need to try and impress anyone.

3) There is still an 'I' in Marriage
I still refer to the wedding as MY wedding when I talk to my husband, and he looks at me and says -OUR wedding. So yes there is a lot of WE, US, OURS in a marriage, but that doesn't mean there is no I.
I still go to meet up with my friends, I still blog and take tuition. He still plays cricket. I still wear makeup and shoot outfit pics. He still heads out for badminton over the week. So every activity is not an us activity and it is totally okay. It is good in fact to have your own hobbies. Definitely keeps you sane.

4) Spontaneity is enjoyable when you plan in advance.
Before the wedding my husband warned me that he loves late night drives, random visits to the ice cream parlour, and spontaneous travel plans. I am like the least spontaneous person. My OCD for being planned is real and can be a bit of a problem at times. However post marriage there have been too many circumstances where I have had to drop all of my plans and just go with the flow. Of course I was annoyed initially, but then I figured that I only was I could really enjoy impulsive plans is by finishing up my work in advance. Like for example, this post is being drafted 3 days before it has to go live. Now even if I cannot look at the laptop for the next 3 days, I still have the post all ready to go and I am not going to be all cranky because I didn't get this up on the 9th.
But to be honest, I do kind of enjoy the random visits for pancakes at 10pm, so being spontaneous is not all bad.

5) Going home means 1 of 2 places.
They say home is where the heart is right? Well my heart is torn between Bangalore and Chennai. How do I know this?
When we went on a trip recently and I recall thinking to myself, I cannot wait to get home i.e. back to Chennai. I smiled at that thought because I realised that I had accepted it as home. It was my new sanctuary, my place to be me, my room, my bed, my wardrobe brimming with clothes (Okay I mean our room, our bed,and our wardrobe but you get the point right?). 

6 ) Marriage is only as hard as you make it.
A lot of people told me that you need to work on your marriage every day. The relationship needs to be nurtured and taken care of. You need to put in effort to keep things smooth. 6 months down the line I find myself wondering why marriage is hard. Yes of course it needs some adjustments every now and then, but isn't that the case even with your friends and siblings. No one ever comments that friendship requires work to be maintained. Nope, all they say is that if you are truly friends then you can just pick up from anywhere.
Well I think being married is just the same. It is only as hard as you decide to make it.

krupa

The Story of How I said Yes.

So yesterday was the story of how Come See the Girl happened. Today is the story of how I said yes.
I could cut the long story short and give you a summary, but what's the fun in that?

So the day after Come and See the girl, we decided to go and see the boy in his house. Why was I going to meet a guy I had already seen? I had a very simple logic to it, which was that people show their true colours in their natural habitat. So seeing the guy in his house might give me a bit more insight into who he was. Maybe there was something I had missed out on during our one hour conversations over the phone or maybe something I didn't notice when he came to meet us the previous day. Maybe I was looking for a reason to get out of this. Maybe I wasn't sure why I was saying maybe even though I wanted to say yes.

We reached their house and I walked into the door to find a swing in the middle of the house. The smile that crept up on my face was just unmistakable. I turned to see my father enter the house and smile at me. Both of us knew we were in the right place. This was THE house. The peacefulness that set over us as we sat on that oonjal (swing) was just indescribable.

After the formalities of being stuffed with tea, kesari and bonda, we all looked at each other knowing that it was time to leave, but no one was sure of the next step. And now comes the twist in the tale.

My father turned to tell his father that they would talk to the girl aka me, and come to a decision soon. However my father-in-law-to-be clearly didn't want to wait. He looked me in the eye (and I was sitting right opposite him) and asked " What do you say ma?"

I said "I'm okay".

What ensued next was 3 seconds of pin drop silence and then mayhem.

My father looked at the boy to ask if he was okay with it. My aunt and uncle were already discussing possible marriage halls and potential caterers with my mother-in-law-to-be. The guy, whom I  had just said yes to, was trying to catch my eye to see if I was truly okay with it. My mom sidled over to me, held my hand and whispered in my ear "are you sure?". I nodded a yes and looked up to see my father looking at me with this mixture of happiness and worry in his eyes. He raised his eyebrows and I smiled to assure him about my decision. He smiled back. We both had tears in our eyes. Controlled ones. Emotional fools that we are.

I texted my sister to tell her I had said yes. I had said yes to getting married and she hadn't even seen the guy. What was I thinking?? Panic set in at this point. What had I just done?? What was I thinking? Had I been thinking? OMG I was getting MARRIED!!!

Thousands of emotions washed over me with anxiety and excitement being the most predominant ones. And then he called. He called to say how happy he was that I had said yes. How happy his parents were and that he was thankful to me for saying yes and making everyone happy. Who says thank you?? This was one gem of a guy and I knew at that point that I had a made the right decision. Probably the best decision in my life, but shhhh.. don't let my husband know that.

krupa

The Ponnu Pathufying Scenes (Come see the girl story)

Marriages are a one long list of customs and rituals. Starting from the process of going through the profiles, rejecting some, saying yes to a few, getting the horoscopes matched and then narrowing down to meeting a person, it is a long journey. What is it like to see profiles on a matrimony site? Well that is a post of its own. One that I have been dying to talk about for a while, but not sure how to do it without offending people. 

Anyway today I am going to talk about the final step in the process before the engagement, the Ponnu Parkadhu which literally translates to "come and see the girl".

Traditionally the girl is dressed in her best silks, accessorised with gold to show off the status of the family, and asked to bring out the coffee to give to the boy's side. I am refraining from calling him the groom because at this point he is technically not the groom yet. The girl is expected to look all shy, be coy and steal glances at the man who might be her future husband. It is supposed to be the first time their eyes meet and instantaneously wedding bells ring all around. The girl's ability to sing, dance, make coffee, mingle with the family, while maintaining sufficient distance from the boy, yet getting to know him is all tested in one shot. This scene in the movies ranges from being hilarious to humiliating.

Now in my case, things were fairly different. For starters, I never thought I would be going through this entire rigmarole (a word my teacher in school used to use quite often). Nevertheless, 2-3 weeks after I had started having a conversation with this guy (now my husband), my parents and his parents were convinced that we had to meet. Okay okay even I wanted to meet him, but I wanted a date. What I got was a room full of people and a chaperoned conversation in a room within the house. Are you rolling on the floor laughing yet? No? Okay I am continuing. 

So we drove down to Chennai one fine Friday. How did I feel at this point? I was excited and anxious. I really didn't know how these things work. Not like I had gotten married before to know how this works. I hadn't told anyone about this situation because I didn't want to jinx it. Sure I liked this guy but was I ready to get married to him? I wasn't sure. (Okay I was lying I kind of knew I wanted to say yes to him but we'll get to that later).

Friday afternoon saw me doing what I love the most- wearing a sari and getting my makeup game on. I had be warned to not go overboard with the makeup. I was wearing my favourite blue sari and tried to look as demure as possible. My instructions were simple- stay inside the AC room until you are called. Ugh! It was so boring. I was texting my sister (who was partying in Goa that day) about how this family was no punctual and I was waiting and waiting for them to come. Then all of a sudden, I was told to come out of the room and serve the bajji. Why not the coffee you ask? Well they were afraid I would trip and spill the coffee along with any hopes of getting this family to say yes to me. 

 To add to things I was in this ultimate state of uncontrollable giggles. The situation was just funny to me. I was also itching to get some alone time with him to talk to him. My brilliant idea of going out for a coffee with him (just like in Kalyana Samayal Sadham) was ruined by the fact that his car was parked in an inconvenient place and taking the car out would be a problem. He looked at me with a I'm-so-sorry-because-I-know-this-is-not-what-you-wanted smile, and I had no choice but say okay, lets sit inside the room which has been specifically set up for us to have a "private" conversation. #EMBARRASSING

After that, we both have no recollection of how the next 2 hours went by. It was just like talking to him over the phone. The comfort level was unbelievable and I knew I had to say yes. But how do I say yes? He never asked me if it was a yes from my end. 

That night I got advise from everyone on why I should yes to this guy. I was told to think about it, to sleep on it, to not think about it, to not get stressed and a whole of gyan about how this was a wonderful family. And thus ended the Ponnu Parthufying. 

So how did I finally say yes you ask? Well that goes up tomorrow.

And oh if you are wondering why this post goes up today, it is because today marks 1 year since this scenario.

krupa