Sunday, December 16, 2007

I am blessed

I have 2 legs and 2 arms
And all my fingers and toes in place
My eyes work fine
I can hear well and smell too
Sometimes even my sixth sense works
I've loving parents
And a cute sister
Amazing friends and
Lots of well wishers
A good education
A roof over my head
Meals everyday
Clothes to wear
A beautiful life
I am blessed!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

End of semester

Last minute flurry to finish writing
Incomplete diagram, half filled tables
Rush to bind records
Brown paper, labels, and colour pencils
The need of the hour
Begging for the teacher's sign
A line for the HOD's darshan
Exchange of notes that got lost
Along with all the confusion
A pang of sorrow
A tinge of hope
Anticipation, worry and cramming
The signs of the end of the semester

Friday, December 14, 2007

Lost

Laughter, screams, hushes, this is what she heard around her as she sat and mused. Was she doing wrong or was it the people around her? She wasn't sure. Everything seemed hazy.
All of a sudden her surrounding seemed quiet. She looked up from her thoughts and saw that people were clearing out of the lab. her practical class was over but she knew that the lesson still continued. She packed her bag and left the lab.
As she passed the canteen memories of what had happened the previous day came to her. She could see the screaming and the crying. Vivid pictures ran before her eyes. She blinked to get it out. She continued walking with a blank look.
She met a lot of people whom she knew. Without stopping she greeted everyone with a forced smile. She knew that people must be wondering what had happened to her. She walked without knowing where she was going.
Loads of people had seen the scene that had taken place. Why did it have to have been in front of the canteen?? Now practically the whole college knew for sure there was a problem.
For a couple of weeks now people had been having their doubts as to why things were happening the way they were. She knew that poeple love to gossip and she was the latest topic. Why? She wondered. What was so wrong about what she had done?
According to everyone she had "changed". But she was just being herself. Maybe she had been a little high strung and more sarcastic than usual, but that was understandable, was it not? Everyone went through phases, and it was not like anyone had let her relax.
Tension, more tension, and even more tension. This was all she had felt for the last couple of weeks. There was so much pressure on her. the weight on her felt like a tonne. She wan't sure whether she had brought it upon herself or if it was by others.
Whatever it was she knew it wasn't over I mean if it was then life would be too easy!). The battle continued.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Contradictions and Confusions

Why am I so confused? Sometimes I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Surrounded by the people I love. But at other times i start to think- what is true friendship? Is there any definition for it? Any set standards? Any reference point but no.. Ultimately I guess the line depends on what you set. So then the next question arises. Are my expectations to high?
Why do i feel like those i'm close to seem to prefer to be with someone else. Do they get bored with me after sometime? Maybe I talk too much. Maybe i'm too emotional. Maybe I pour out my feelings too much so eventually they get bored of listening to me. Maybe I blade too much about myself and my life. I probably sound self obsessed.

Why does it feel like I only give and give but don't seem to get? Maybe I have all the concepts screwed up. Probably my expectations in a relationship is too high, but is it practically possible to live without expectations?

Sometimes I feel like the lonliest girl on this earth. People don't seem to hear what my words say though they listen to me speak. They don't observe though they see me. Or maybe all this is just my imagination.
Then why all the dilemma?

Turmoil, confusion, this is what plays inside me. A thousand questions, a million ansers, but no solution for my problems.

Is it possible to have any one person understand you completely? I don't understand myself, how will someone else? I suppose it's not humanly possible to have someone beside me 24/7/365. I guess sometimes we just have to walk alone. Just me and my shadow.
And till the day that death do part us, confusions and contradictions are a part of my life.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Our mind

Memories all crowded together
Feelings of joy and happiness simultaneously
We try to be care free but end up caring about every God damn thing.
Possessivesness and yet we are supposedly "liberal" in our thinking
Our thoughts are jumbled.
Dilemma is the most commonly felt feeling.
We weep when we're happy
We weep when we're sad
Everything has two sides
The human mind- so clear yet so confused

Why do I?

Why is it that I feel so lonely even with everyone by my side?
Why do I feel left out when I'm the centre of attraction?
Why does it feel like I'm unnoticed even when people surround me?
Why am I silent even though the chatter continues?
When the people I care about don't seem to care about me, why do i care the most about that?