Sunday, December 09, 2007

Contradictions and Confusions

Why am I so confused? Sometimes I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Surrounded by the people I love. But at other times i start to think- what is true friendship? Is there any definition for it? Any set standards? Any reference point but no.. Ultimately I guess the line depends on what you set. So then the next question arises. Are my expectations to high?
Why do i feel like those i'm close to seem to prefer to be with someone else. Do they get bored with me after sometime? Maybe I talk too much. Maybe i'm too emotional. Maybe I pour out my feelings too much so eventually they get bored of listening to me. Maybe I blade too much about myself and my life. I probably sound self obsessed.

Why does it feel like I only give and give but don't seem to get? Maybe I have all the concepts screwed up. Probably my expectations in a relationship is too high, but is it practically possible to live without expectations?

Sometimes I feel like the lonliest girl on this earth. People don't seem to hear what my words say though they listen to me speak. They don't observe though they see me. Or maybe all this is just my imagination.
Then why all the dilemma?

Turmoil, confusion, this is what plays inside me. A thousand questions, a million ansers, but no solution for my problems.

Is it possible to have any one person understand you completely? I don't understand myself, how will someone else? I suppose it's not humanly possible to have someone beside me 24/7/365. I guess sometimes we just have to walk alone. Just me and my shadow.
And till the day that death do part us, confusions and contradictions are a part of my life.

2 comments:

Kavya said...

Oooh! I guess both us sisters are going through a wierd phase!! hehe! well... we're all in the same boat!

Unknown said...

hmmmmm....well when you r in a relationship there's always some amount of expectations.....and you boring people....well that is not a possibility in the near futher...people may kinda get into too many things and not give you the deserved attention but we know that people who love and care are always around when ever you need them...
love shaman