3 years later....

Yes it has been 3 years since I wrote in this blog. Why? because we allow ourselves to get distracted by the meaningless things around us and search for happiness in that. We forget to make time for "ME" and let the "I" rot away for the sake of "WE". All this for supposed happiness.

It is 3 years later and as I type I realise that I haven't changed much. Yes I'm older, coupla hairs greying, frown lines and crows feet appearing. but inside I'm the same. Wearing my heart on my sleeve, allowing it to be crushed by every Tom, Dick and Sally (yeah yeah I know it's Harry but it isn't just guys who have hurt me). Yet hoping that things will get better, keeping the faith alive. 

The words are flowing and I must say, I have missed this SO much!!! 

So why am I back? Good question. Life is a journey of self discovery. We're constantly searching for ourselves and in the process learning something new every day. Sometimes what we learn is not completely new, it is something we know but we'd forgotten and so it needed to be dusted out a bit. Me coming back is something like that. 

I've now been a teacher for 2 years and since I started teaching I've thought of writing about my experiences but never actually gotten around to doing it. Yesterday in the lab I mentioned to a couple of my students about how each batch was different from the previous and how I was most definitely going to write about it some day. I also mentioned that I did have a blog, and them being the curious lot that they are, asked for my blog site, and it was at that point that I realised I had forgotten the name of my own blog!!!

Well I did remember it and tell them, then i just forgot about it. Today one of them came up to me and told me "Ma'am, i didn't know you could write poetry so well. Why did you stop?"

That question got me thinking... why did I stop? I could not come up with justifiable reason and so I am back. Back with a bang, ladies and gentlemen!! Thank You very much!

Cheers

Krupa

Inside the Head

"The B lymphocytes give rise to the plasma cells and memory cells. The memory cells help to recognise an antigen that infects the body again. But yet we keep catching colds. These bloody viruses, what a pain they are. Man, I hope I'm not sick on my birthday. That's so not how I'd like to spend that day. Shucks I still have to go buy a new dress and give the salwar material for stitching. Hope that tailor is there when I go to ulsoor. Thanks to the Metro it's such torture to travel all the way there. And I don't like the way the 4th cross tailor stitches. This is why I need to go for that tailoring class. But first I need to get the sewing machine fixed. And mom's vehicle is still lying around. We should sell that. I doubt it's worth the repair. And then I need to convince dad to a get a new vehicle. But if I say vehicle, then he'll say learn car. Yeah I guess I should go join that as well. Hmmm.. I wonder if Poonam picked up the TC from trust office. It's been a while since I talked to her.Ii wonder if kavitha cleared her backs. Wonder what the girls are doing. I know shaman is working. Can't believe we're so out of touch. Ok ok. I won't go back to old stories. Thank god for sheril being around. Speaking of sheril, he hasn't replied to my mail. I bet that lazy bum hasn't even checked it yet!! Can't wait for him to come to town. I hope he stays till my birthday. Oh ya, I still don't know what to buy. Maybe I should get a top for the leggings. But I want a skirt or dress. Ok let's see. Got to work on getting perm from mom n dad for that. Not a short dress. Calf length would be jus great. Something in pastel colours and flowy. Hmmm.. I can just imagine it. This is why I need to learn to stitch. Ok as soon as I'm done with Net exam I'll go join. Ok where was I now?? Oh yeah, B lymphocytes. The plasma cells give rise to antibodies."

Isn't it amazing how the mind works so fast and connects so many unrelated things especially when one is studying. :D

kanden kadhalai= kadhalai kanden

Kanden Kadhalai or Kadhalai Kanden literally translating into the same meaning- I saw love is a remake of the hindi movie 'Jab We Met' starring dreamy eyed Shahid Kapoor and bubbly Bebo aka Kareena Kapoor. As expected many of the scenes are 'same to same' and even the costumes are 'matching-matching'. However the movie is refreshing due to the importance given to the character played by Santhanam. His scenes provide the comic relief and is a welcome change in the remake.

Tamanna could have done slightly better in the role that was given to her. There are certain scenes where her dialogue delivery seems kind of forced. However there probably is nobody else who would have been able to pull of this role that neatly. Genelia might have been a possibility, but it would have been a real challenge to carry out the sensitive serious side of 'Anjali'in the secind half of the movie.

Bharat is the perfect typecast for Shahid's role and has truly done a commendable job. It definitely takes courage for an actor to be cast in a remake especially one of a movie that did really well in the box office. There will certainly be some amount of comparison done.

The challenge of taking a successful remake lies not only in the hands of the director but it also needs to be backed by a strong script. The sound tracks by Vidyasagar bring out the fresh tones of tamilnadu. All in all the movie is adorable and highly enjoyable.

Aadhavan review

Aadhavan starring suriya, nayanthara, vadivelu and a come back from the old heart throb, Saroja Devi. A movie with K S Ravikumar direction sure has a lot of expectation. Ramesh krishna has given a typical commercial story with an introduction song for the hero and one for the heroine, and a coupla duets, some neat fights with stunts that have now become the norm. Suriya of course is upto the mark with his dance and comedy. The play on words with Mano bala is worth applauding, and vadivelu is upto his standard as always but some of the comic scenes seem like déjà vu and some punch lines are now getting predictable. Nayanthara plays more of a role in the flashback than in the present day scenario where she only provides the romantic side. The role of saroja devi makes you wonder what was the absolute necessity of that role except to provide a bit of support to nayanthara's character especially in driving away ramesh krishna, who is a potentially annoying suitor for nayanthara. The idea of portraying suriya as a 10 year old is pretty novel and makes you wonder whether he really did look like that at the age of 10. It also makes one think how is it possible that though his face has not changed but only matured over the years, nobody in his family can no longer recognise him. The climax is slightly more unbelievable than usual. If you've seen Ayan then the plot of Aadhavan is pretty predictable.

On the whole as a commercial film Aadhavan would probably do decently and will be loved by suriya fans for his acting, his dancing and his comedy. But as a story the plot is lacking any twists and turns that were not already forseen, and leaves you expecting a bit more. Looks like suriya is getting stereotyped and his movies getting cliched. And that comes from a hard core Suriya fan.

To Sheril

this is a dedication to sheril on his birthday!!

It seems like yesterday that I first saw you and admired your smile.

It seems like yesterday that we sat and broke our heads for the semester exams.

It seems like yesterday that you vividly described football to me with a shine in you eyes.

It seems like yesterday that we chatted about my ignorance in movies and music.

It seems like yesterday that I had my first hookah with you.

it seems like yesterday was my birthday that you guys made so special.

It seems like yesterdaythat we discussed your plans of going back home.

But it seems like forever since we've been together.

To Janani

It seems like yesterday that we both met for the first time in school. With our glasses and accents, what a pair we made!

It seems like yesterday we wrote letters to each other expressing what could not be said in the open.

It seems like yesterday that we part walked, part cycled to tutiton while finishing our lunch.

It seems like yesterday that we marched in our final Sports Day and had tears in our eyes during Hollow Square.

it seems like yesterday that we spent every minute in class and in tuition together, and yet had to gossip over the phone.

It seems like yesterday that we cried over parting and fought over gobi.

It seems like yesterday that we oogled at guys, flirted with some and crushed on others.

But it seems like forever since we've been with each other, for each other...

The Rain

What runs through your mind?

Hot cocoa, window seat with a romantic novel

Popcorn, a movie with the one you love

Soft lilting music, swaying in the arms of your partner

A warm fireplace with the family huddled around it listening to stories

Sorrow at the thought of separation from you dear

Anger as dark as the clouds in the sky

Depression, tears flowing just like the droplets

Whatever it may be

The rain brings a flood of emotions

10 things I miss about you.

p.s insipired from 10 things I hate about you.

I miss the way you look at me and the way you say my name

I miss the way you go on and on about ur favourite game

I miss your silly sheepish grin and your shining eyes

I miss the way you used to make excuses for never being on time

I miss my study buddy and my partner in the lab

Without you our awesome foursome seems very drab

I miss our midnight calls and our talks on everything dandy

I miss hearing you classify gals as chicks and candy

I miss going and bouncing along on your kine

I miss standing next to you and feeling so tiny.

But most of all i miss me

The part of me with you

short episodes

here are a bunch of totally unconnected short verses. i cud not think of a name for each n everyone so it's a collections called SHORT EPISODES.



Dance
A form of expression
A language with no words
A art, a talent
From the sexy salsa to the classy classical
It speaks to us.
We weep, we laugh
We're left speechless.
Desires within are expressed
Thoughts are put forward
Morals and stories brought to the front
Dance.. one word says it all.

The discovery of the self is always through the eyes of another

What you are is not always what you see.

Isn't it funny how little we know ourselves and you know others even less.

And yet we claim to "understand" each other.

There is always a twinge of sadness
As the train pulls away with our near and dear ones
And joy as it brings out loved ones
With goodies and more
The shrill of the whistle brings a thrill
As the train moves, each journey, good memories.

Friendship

Its about conversations without a reason

Going out to celebrate without a cause.

Its about knowing someone is upset even if they don't tell you.

Sharing joy as well as sorrow.

Its not about being there only when a person needs you

But even when they don't.

The only thing that is always with us is our loneliness.

Our comfort we must find in ourselves.

We seek solace in solitary.

Nobody stays forever.

Words are just words.

After the laughter and tears comes silence

So loud that it is piercing.

Sometimes

So wrapped up in our own confused lives

We turn a blind eye to those around us

And fail to see that we're all in this together

No one can survive alone

Everyone needs friends.

To the People

There are times when everything seems wrong
People tell us to forget it and move on
Nothing goes the way i want.
People tell me to go out and get it
But if i do, I'm called stubborn
When i don't, they say i'm spineless
Why can't u make up your mind
Or atleast let me make up mine
When the world revolves on opinions
Why is it wrong for me to listen to them?
We are defined by our society
And yet we try to defy it
But... who is the society?
You, me and others
So why are we so hard to please?

Abstracts

What we see, what we hear, what we read, all affects us. But very few statements, dialogues actually remain in the mind and even fewer are close to the heart,
For a change i thought i'd share some of my favourite quotes, dialogues, thoughts whatever u call them.

People who are there in the time of our need are the ones whom we call as friends. But by doing so they create such an expectation within us that we always want them by our side. And when they are not here, even for a minute, we miss them and it hurts.

How well do we really let ourselves know each other

If you truly love someone let them go. If they come back to you, they're yours. Or else they never were.

Woman are called fickle minded. But the truth is the mistake is the way in which men see them. affection is mistaken as love, and the truth hurts them once revealed. They say the woman has broken their trust and hurt them, but in reality, they've hurt themselves.

A person who cannot understand your silence can never understand your words.

P.S i'll add more as it comes to mind

Things have changed

Why does it feel like you've moved away?

You say you're there

I see you there

But somehow it doesn't feel like before

Reassurances aren't always enough

I know you care

So why do I feel a pang when you're with someone else

A cold hand covers my heart when you care for others more than me

What is it?

Jealousy?

Surely not!

We're way way past that stage

Aren't we?

But one thing I do know

Things have changed

Between us

Is it you or is it me?

Maybe its both.

Whatever.

I miss you.

Thoughts of a 22-yr old on hmmm.. Marriage

Marriage- why is it that the very word seeems to freak me out? All these days it was a joyous occasion where I got to meet cousins and relatives, who were otherwise forgotten. A time when three course meals always ended with a sweet or ice cream, we all got new clothes, people were dressed up in their finest, and of course good food(did i mention that already?). This was because it was never mine or even close to mine. But now, approaching the "marriageable age" has brought a fear into my heart, so much so that I'd rather not go to any such functions, rather than be 'discovered' by some aunt who has a son in some God forsaken place who would probably be my 'perfect match'!! Amazing how they just assume suach matches without even knowing me. I may look all sweet and innocent, but am i??

I don't understand why parents think that the minute a 'good family' is found the gal must say agree to it. I mean, come on, who said a good family background accounts to the son being good. Is it enough for the guy to be tall, fair, good looking, earn a bag full (a hand full ain't enuf any more), and have a good family background? Doesn't it matter that the tastes of the guy and gal need to match, for them to understand each others needs, wishes, dreams and desires? More than anything shouldn't the gal be ready for marriage both mentally and emotionally.

As I sit to closely examine the cause of the clenching fear in the pit of my stomach, I realise it stems from love. Love for my parents, my sister, and everything familiar around me. To have some unknown guy just walk into my life and my bedroom is a little bit too much to handle in one shot. Why not take it step by step? I mean how about a live-in relationship (ok ok mom, dad if u do happen to read this don't freak. me just kidding :) )

My fear of marriage is not the occasion itself but everything that comes with it. Having lived my life the way i want for the last 22 yrs (of course within the limits set my parents), it's kinda hard to think of sharing it with someone else until I'm actually ready for him. No, I'm not advocating for a love marriage! I think an arranged marriage is just great. After all marriage brings 2 families together and not just 2 people. All I'm saying is give it some time. It's not enough to just see a guy and say yes to him. I mean even love doesn't happen at first sight! And this is a matter of spending the rest of my life with this guy.. Surely I don't wanna make a wrong choice. Maybe going actually going out and spending some time with the prospective guy would help. I don't wanna use the word 'date' since it has such a stereotypical meaning and it a social no-no in orthodox brahmin circles. I feel a person can be really understood only in his natural surroundings. After all even we are animals. Being in a room, forced to talk just 'coz our parents are waiting outside for an answer is surely not not gonna bring any sort of communication, forget any kinda understanding. The interaction needs to happen before the engagement, not after, because then it may be too late.
No one likes to live with regrets. So live and let live.

bloggers note- i know pretty much wht is gonna go thru the minds if those who read this, so let me clear any doubts in advance. no, my parents have not started looking for a guy for me, this has not stemmed from tht. this is from seeing one of my frens get married, one get engaged and another being put up in the marriage market.

Friendship

It's not about how often you go out on trips together
But about all the good times you spend together.

It's not about how long you talk to each other
But how much you listen to the other person.

It's not about giving gifts on special occasions
But about giving all the love that you have.

It's not about fights and making up
But the silence that only you both understand

It's not about going shopping or partying together
But about being there for each other.

It's not about how many times you've had sleep overs
But about how many times you've willingly given up your sleep for them

It's not about saying "Thanks for being there buddy"
But about knowing it.

It's not about having a million friends by your side
But having one who's worth a million.

Chennai

The feel of the warm salty breeze
Narrow cobbled streets
People just standing at street corners and gossiping
Non stop tamil songs on the radio
Curd made of sweet Aavin milk
The feel of grains of soft sand between the toes
Squishy wet sand
The cool sunrise during summer
The warm sunset during winter on the beach
The sound of ever ebbing waves
Cotton candy, balloons
Mangai thenkai patani sundal
Ice cream and cake at midnight
Smell of sugar and ghee in a sweets shop
Typical south indian three course meal
Late night family time
Wild roaming, lots of coffee
Shopping
Brain storming sessions that give no solution of what to do
Complete relaxation
An afternoon breeze through the house
Lots of sleep and good food
Relative, frenz and jus people we know
All this and more
Only in the beautiful city of Chennai
Always the best holiday

I am blessed

I have 2 legs and 2 arms

And all my fingers and toes in place

My eyes work fine

I can hear well and smell too

Sometimes even my sixth sense works

I've loving parents

And a cute sister

Amazing friends and

Lots of well wishers

A good education

A roof over my head

Meals everyday

Clothes to wear

A beautiful life

I am blessed!

End of semester

Last minute flurry to finish writing
Incomplete diagram, half filled tables
Rush to bind records
Brown paper, labels, and colour pencils
The need of the hour
Begging for the teacher's sign
A line for the HOD's darshan
Exchange of notes that got lost
Along with all the confusion
A pang of sorrow
A tinge of hope
Anticipation, worry and cramming
The signs of the end of the semester

Lost

Laughter, screams, hushes, this is what she heard around her as she sat and mused. Was she doing wrong or was it the people around her? She wasn't sure. Everything seemed hazy.

All of a sudden her surrounding seemed quiet. She looked up from her thoughts and saw that people were clearing out of the lab. her practical class was over but she knew that the lesson still continued. She packed her bag and left the lab.

As she passed the canteen memories of what had happened the previous day came to her. She could see the screaming and the crying. Vivid pictures ran before her eyes. She blinked to get it out. She continued walking with a blank look.

She met a lot of people whom she knew. Without stopping she greeted everyone with a forced smile. She knew that people must be wondering what had happened to her. She walked without knowing where she was going.

Loads of people had seen the scene that had taken place. Why did it have to have been in front of the canteen?? Now practically the whole college knew for sure there was a problem.

For a couple of weeks now people had been having their doubts as to why things were happening the way they were. She knew that poeple love to gossip and she was the latest topic. Why? She wondered. What was so wrong about what she had done?

According to everyone she had "changed". But she was just being herself. Maybe she had been a little high strung and more sarcastic than usual, but that was understandable, was it not? Everyone went through phases, and it was not like anyone had let her relax.

Tension, more tension, and even more tension. This was all she had felt for the last couple of weeks. There was so much pressure on her. the weight on her felt like a tonne. She wan't sure whether she had brought it upon herself or if it was by others.

Whatever it was she knew it wasn't over I mean if it was then life would be too easy!). The battle continued.

Contradictions and Confusions

Why am I so confused? Sometimes I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Surrounded by the people I love. But at other times i start to think- what is true friendship? Is there any definition for it? Any set standards? Any reference point but no.. Ultimately I guess the line depends on what you set. So then the next question arises. Are my expectations to high?
Why do i feel like those i'm close to seem to prefer to be with someone else. Do they get bored with me after sometime? Maybe I talk too much. Maybe i'm too emotional. Maybe I pour out my feelings too much so eventually they get bored of listening to me. Maybe I blade too much about myself and my life. I probably sound self obsessed.

Why does it feel like I only give and give but don't seem to get? Maybe I have all the concepts screwed up. Probably my expectations in a relationship is too high, but is it practically possible to live without expectations?

Sometimes I feel like the lonliest girl on this earth. People don't seem to hear what my words say though they listen to me speak. They don't observe though they see me. Or maybe all this is just my imagination.
Then why all the dilemma?

Turmoil, confusion, this is what plays inside me. A thousand questions, a million ansers, but no solution for my problems.

Is it possible to have any one person understand you completely? I don't understand myself, how will someone else? I suppose it's not humanly possible to have someone beside me 24/7/365. I guess sometimes we just have to walk alone. Just me and my shadow.

And till the day that death do part us, confusions and contradictions are a part of my life.

Our mind

Memories all crowded together

Feelings of joy and happiness simultaneously

We try to be care free but end up caring about every God damn thing.

Possessivesness and yet we are supposedly "liberal" in our thinking

Our thoughts are jumbled.

Dilemma is the most commonly felt feeling.

We weep when we're happy

We weep when we're sad

Everything has two sides

The human mind- so clear yet so confused