I am blessed

I have 2 legs and 2 arms

And all my fingers and toes in place

My eyes work fine

I can hear well and smell too

Sometimes even my sixth sense works

I've loving parents

And a cute sister

Amazing friends and

Lots of well wishers

A good education

A roof over my head

Meals everyday

Clothes to wear

A beautiful life

I am blessed!

End of semester

Last minute flurry to finish writing
Incomplete diagram, half filled tables
Rush to bind records
Brown paper, labels, and colour pencils
The need of the hour
Begging for the teacher's sign
A line for the HOD's darshan
Exchange of notes that got lost
Along with all the confusion
A pang of sorrow
A tinge of hope
Anticipation, worry and cramming
The signs of the end of the semester

Lost

Laughter, screams, hushes, this is what she heard around her as she sat and mused. Was she doing wrong or was it the people around her? She wasn't sure. Everything seemed hazy.

All of a sudden her surrounding seemed quiet. She looked up from her thoughts and saw that people were clearing out of the lab. her practical class was over but she knew that the lesson still continued. She packed her bag and left the lab.

As she passed the canteen memories of what had happened the previous day came to her. She could see the screaming and the crying. Vivid pictures ran before her eyes. She blinked to get it out. She continued walking with a blank look.

She met a lot of people whom she knew. Without stopping she greeted everyone with a forced smile. She knew that people must be wondering what had happened to her. She walked without knowing where she was going.

Loads of people had seen the scene that had taken place. Why did it have to have been in front of the canteen?? Now practically the whole college knew for sure there was a problem.

For a couple of weeks now people had been having their doubts as to why things were happening the way they were. She knew that poeple love to gossip and she was the latest topic. Why? She wondered. What was so wrong about what she had done?

According to everyone she had "changed". But she was just being herself. Maybe she had been a little high strung and more sarcastic than usual, but that was understandable, was it not? Everyone went through phases, and it was not like anyone had let her relax.

Tension, more tension, and even more tension. This was all she had felt for the last couple of weeks. There was so much pressure on her. the weight on her felt like a tonne. She wan't sure whether she had brought it upon herself or if it was by others.

Whatever it was she knew it wasn't over I mean if it was then life would be too easy!). The battle continued.

Contradictions and Confusions

Why am I so confused? Sometimes I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Surrounded by the people I love. But at other times i start to think- what is true friendship? Is there any definition for it? Any set standards? Any reference point but no.. Ultimately I guess the line depends on what you set. So then the next question arises. Are my expectations to high?
Why do i feel like those i'm close to seem to prefer to be with someone else. Do they get bored with me after sometime? Maybe I talk too much. Maybe i'm too emotional. Maybe I pour out my feelings too much so eventually they get bored of listening to me. Maybe I blade too much about myself and my life. I probably sound self obsessed.

Why does it feel like I only give and give but don't seem to get? Maybe I have all the concepts screwed up. Probably my expectations in a relationship is too high, but is it practically possible to live without expectations?

Sometimes I feel like the lonliest girl on this earth. People don't seem to hear what my words say though they listen to me speak. They don't observe though they see me. Or maybe all this is just my imagination.
Then why all the dilemma?

Turmoil, confusion, this is what plays inside me. A thousand questions, a million ansers, but no solution for my problems.

Is it possible to have any one person understand you completely? I don't understand myself, how will someone else? I suppose it's not humanly possible to have someone beside me 24/7/365. I guess sometimes we just have to walk alone. Just me and my shadow.

And till the day that death do part us, confusions and contradictions are a part of my life.

Our mind

Memories all crowded together

Feelings of joy and happiness simultaneously

We try to be care free but end up caring about every God damn thing.

Possessivesness and yet we are supposedly "liberal" in our thinking

Our thoughts are jumbled.

Dilemma is the most commonly felt feeling.

We weep when we're happy

We weep when we're sad

Everything has two sides

The human mind- so clear yet so confused

Why do I?

Why is it that I feel so lonely even with everyone by my side?
Why do I feel left out when I'm the centre of attraction?
Why does it feel like I'm unnoticed even when people surround me?
Why am I silent even though the chatter continues?
When the people I care about don't seem to care about me, why do i care the most about that?

Sunlight

Glistening dew drops on the petals,

Shining roof tops and blackened chimneys.

The colours thrown forth

By the first rays of the sun.

To some it is just another day,

To others the start of a new day.

But to few it is hope

The first rays of a brand new beginning.

Night beauty

She peeps from behind her veil

Her pale face hardly visible

And yet her radiance fills the air

Spilling her beauty everywhere

The queen of the night skies

The gorgeous moon.

Ooh La La!!

As he squeezed, softness was felt under his hard fingers

Changing shape and out of breath

The texture and smoothness was something new

Releasing the pressure, he could feel the sucking in

it was like vacuum and the flow was good.

Handling with care and gentleness

A treasure to be preserved.

It was an experience like never before.

A gold nibbed fountain pen

Nostalgia

Old thoughts, old memories
Bring back old emotions
The joy brought by friends
The sorrow of break ups
Heart aches and crushes
All tumbled in one.
With smiles and tears
We think of the past
nostalgia- so pleasant
Yet so painful

to kavya

this one's for my lil' sis!!!

the other day i was going thru my sis's blog and i realised that she is really really good. i mean i always thought i was the one with the talent to write but as i read her work i realised that i seemed to be losing it. if she (being her 11th) can make time to write along with all of her school work, studies, trumpet class, band practice, duties as music vice captian, choir practise, tution and hanging out with frenz, then i'm sure i can.
i remember a time when she used to come to me everytime she wrote a pratice essay. well even now she doesn come but i guess i've been the "busy" one!!!
well i guess i jus wanna say- kudos kavya!! keep up the amazing work it's nice to know there's someone to carry on my work ;) (jus kidding!!)
love krupa

what wud be ur reaction??

all of us have had a dream guy or gal.


this verse is for my dream guy...


how i'd react once i'd met him.





I AM NOT WHO I USED TO BE

Is it just me, or is it him as well?
Am I in love, or does his thought just dwell
In my heart, in my soul, in me.
I wanna ask him, but i dare not
But if i don't i might get caught
With the glow on my face, they might just see
That i am not who i used to be

I wish and pray that he was here
I wish and wish and shed a tear
At this moment i want to see
Into his thoughts, what he thinks of me.
His very thought brings a blush.
I must be careful, for if they see
They will know that i am not me

Have i changed, or is it he
Who has brought about this change in me?
With bright cheeks and shining eyes
As clear and sparkling as new washed skies
I feel a warmth from within
A new experience, I can see
That i am not who i used to be.

Is this feeling what they call love?
As pure and gentle as a white dove.
My every breath, my every move
seems to tell me that i do.
But i'm not sure, infact i don't know.
There is only one thing i can see
That i am not who i used to be.





B.T.W i wrote this a few years ago. still waiting for my dream guy to come n read it

The Transition

All of us have had crushes and fallen out of it.. so what is the transition like??



No, I don't love you

I never did

I only liked you

A kind of a liking

I don't know why or what i saw in you

maybe it was your simple cute smile

or the innocence in your eyes

Maybe it was the way you spoke to me

and the way you made me feel

I think it was a combination of all

But there was something tht made me fall

Please note i said "made" and not "makes"

I used to die to hear your voice

to feel your arm around my shoulder.

I used to call you everyday

Sometimes even twice or thrice

I'd wait for the phone to ring

To pick it up and listen to you.

Your smile was irresistible and sincere

My heart used to melt

And i felt I could do anything in the world for you.

I had never felt this way before

But i knew it was not love

Just a passing phase, a crush

Then something happened...

Now it's been a week since I called you

I know I can stay without

Calling ang talking to you.

The crush is fading, I can feel it

Your smile is still the cutest

Most innocent and very irresistible

And I'll still do anything for you

But only as a friend

Just a friend

I don't die for your touch

Or for you to to look at me

Things are changing

I still like you, i don;t deny that

But it's a different liking

Now that we're friends

And nothing can change that.

The Murderer

When a girl tells a guy- lets be jus friends, he gets heart broken. He never thinks from the girl's point of view. He walks around like Devdas n doesn't even talk to the girl... here's how d girl probably feels after losing his frenship.



A girl's point of view -


THE MURDERER

His sparkling eyes and loving nature
All died when she said no.
It was as if she had killed
his every feeling, his every emotion.
His heart broken down
And in it's place, an emotionless pacemaker
It felt no pain
It was beyond all that.
Warmth and life was sucked out.
He lived because he had to
The want and desire was gone.
Would it ever come back?
She often wondered.

The guilt had never left her.
What she had done haunted her
And it probably would forever
She was a murderer.
Nobody could deny that
Nothing could change that
The past was part of her life.

She tried to connect to him
But words failed to do so.
maybe it was fate, maybe destiny
Or maybe it was her punishment.
His very name brought memories,
very sweet ones
But her name...
What did he feel?
Pain, sorrow, regret, anger, despair?
She wished she could read him
But she could read nobody.
Hopeless, useless that's what she felt.
After all she was a murderer.





warning-again this is only my opinion. all girls may not be like this

Why there are more Devdas' in today's world??

Why is it that guys are the ones who almost always seem to face "love failure"? They make girls look heartless!!! They totally refuse to put themselves in a girl's position and condemn all girls once and for all. They have absolutely no idea what a girl goes through a home. If the expectations are high from a guy, even more is expected from a girl.

Women are caring and nuturing by nature. The tendency to "mother" comes automatically especially when they meet a guy who seems to be screaming "i get no love and attention, so care for me!"This is what most guys mistake as love.

Guys don't understand that even friendship is a kind of love. a girl doesn't have to be a girlfriend to love him, even if she is just his close friend she'll still care for him.

A gentle look, or a caressing touch, and that's it, the guy falls head over heels for the girl. Once this happens he'll do anything for her. his may appeal to the girl and so she takes a liking towards him. Rarely does this go on as true love and end in mrriage, but most often it doesn't. It gets broken in the middle once the girl realises that it's all going too far, too fast!!

Being the more practical of the two, the girl tries to hammer some sense into the guy's head. but his skull being as thick as it is, nothing substantial gets in. The guy, the dreamer and romantic, is thoroughly convinced that nothing can stop true love (if it were true love!!). This is the effect of too many movies!! And he totally refuses to think about the future, if there is any at all.

Thus the girl becomes the villan, and the guy is the poor tormented soul. If only guys would learn to read a woman properly then heart breaks would be less, and we'd have less Devdas' walking around. But then again if this really happened, the world would be a diffferent place!!


statutory warning: this is wholly and totally my opinion. i am not trying to force it on anyone. readers are advised to read it with an open mind, especially guys!!

bored!!

yahoo!! my exams have finally finished and i'm overjoyed..but i am so so bored( and it's only been a day of freedom from books). i spent the whole of today in front of the tv, flicking from channel to channel, getting more and more bored as each hour passed. i mean it's simply amazing how the channels time the ad breaks simultaneously, and also how every channel has the most blading programs in the afternoon.
my cable operator must have a secret camera fixed somwhere in my room. he always seems to know when i have exams and when i don't, 'coz he puts all the new good tamizh movies correctly when i have an exam the next day, and when i sit as jobless and as bored to death as today, he puts nothing at all!!!!!
i think planning what to do in the hols is more fun than the hols itself. each day jus drags on n on. it's fun to procrastinate than actually put any of my oh-so wonderful ideas in to action. ultimately i end up in front of the tv( i really need to get a new hobby)
at the end of the day i go back to wishing tht i did have something substanial to do. i know if my dad reads it he'll say- go for car driving, take classes. man, it all sounds so easy, but sometimes making it happen is not so easy.
well tomo's another day!!

Renewal

ya i know it's been like ages since i came in here.. but i was inspired today.
inspired by what u may ask
read on

BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. .You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion... We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." FATE DETERMINES WHO COMES INTO OUR LIVES.....HEART DETERMINES WHO STAYS

reading this made me realise how true it was and that i neede an output for what i felt and what i went thru. (my diary isn't enuf!!) i need ppl to read n express theri views, give me advise n comments

so krupa's back (well let me jus finish my exams n i'll be back)