#30DaysToThirty: A letter to 20 year old me.

Dear 20 year old Me

You will find dozens of lists that tell you places to visit before you turn 30, food to try before you turn 30, activities to tick off before you turn 30, but I'll tell you something, none of those matter. None of those lists define what being 30 is really like or help you get through your life.

Here are some things that do matter.

1) Appreciate your family.

I have this at the top of my list because after all the sh*t you go through between 20 and 30, you realise that the one constant in your life is your family. You fight, you scream, you argue, you say you hate them, but they aren't going anywhere. It is now more than any other time that you realise how much they have been there for you. It is time to give back. Time to appreciate them. I'm not saying tell them 'I love you' every day but atleast take the time to listen to them. Hear what your dad has to say about saving for the future, or when your mom whines about the neighbours downstairs. Don't shut them off. All they want is to be heard.

2) Identify your true friends

So many people will walk in and out of your life. However everyone has a few people who are there. Nope you won't be talking to them on every day basis. You will be too busy for that. Even if you aren't too busy, they sure as hell will be. But that doesn't mean that you aren't friends. If they come running to you when you cry for help, those are the friends you want for life. The kind whose children will grow up to hear stories about you and the kind of friends who your children will look at and pray to have someone like that in their lives. The friendships that last for 30-40 years and more. Make sure you have invested in those kind of relationships before you turn 30 and keep in touch. (I know I am terrible at it)

3) Learn to let go.

Let go of old relationships that didn't work. Let go of 'friends' on facebook. Let go of clothes you know you will never fit into again. Let go of clinging onto people who always shake you off. Let go of clutter. Let go of wanting to be younger. Let's face reality, that is never going to happen. Let go of bad habits like impulsive buying, smoking, binge drinking and hanging out with crappy people who don't make you feel good about yourself.  Your bank balance, your body and your heart cannot handle that kind of abuse any more.

4) Accept who you are.

I don't like to party. I can't eat spicy food. I can't stay up till at 2 am. I have grey hair and crows feet appearing. I am not where I expected to be in my career. I am not married. I am not even in a relationship. I still live with my parents. I don't own an iPhone. I have not read PG Wodehouse. I think waxing is a pain and waste of time so I live with hairy legs. I love wearing saris. I am absolutely judgemental about guys who can't string words together to make a sentence. I don't believe in love at first sight. I love soppy love stories. I am scared of failure. 

You don't need to list out who you are. Just accept it and deal with it. If you can't accept yourself it will affect your confidence to face the world, and trust me, the world will know and you will stamped down till every ounce of your confidence is buried 6 feet under.

5) Find your zen. 

The world is too small. Every person you know will know someone else you know and anything you say can and will be used against you. You don't like someone at work, suck it in and be professional. You can't stand the aunty on the ground floor, well don't meet her. All the negativity will eat into you over time. You won't see it, but slowly the cold hand of hate will cling onto your heart and turn you into a crabby person. Don't let that happen. Identify what makes you peaceful and do that. Read,write, blog, click pictures, sleep, or just drink tea. Find what makes you happy. Don't let some list dictate that.

6) Be passionate.
In a day and age where the need for money grows, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a job that pays well and makes you smile on a Monday morning. If you have found that then that's great. If you haven't, it is still okay. Don't lose out on doing what you love. Just make some time for it. When you have a zest for life, it will shine through everything you do and without that you are just dead inside.

7) Learn how to be alone.
I know you hate being alone even if it is just for a few hours at home. But I am here to tell you that there will reach a point where you will enjoy being alone. Don't be too surprised. It is the natural course of life. So just enjoy it. Experiment with going out alone. I know you love shopping alone so why not love life. Being a single woman isn't too terrible in a male dominated world.

8) Stop comparing.
Man, I can't tell you how easy this is to do. It will always seem like everyone else is ahead of you in life. People will rave about jobs that they love and that are paying them a million bucks. People younger than you will be married and have kids and talk about how those kids are the only thing that matters to them. Others will post pictures of their "life is one huge party" etc etc. Oh who cares!! By the time you hit 30 you will be numb and immune to all of this. The truth is the ones who seem like they have it all are miserable deep down inside, and if they are not, well you don't need to be associated with such perfect people. Everyone has a sore point about their life, they just choose to not show it to the world. That is what you need to do. You need to stop whining about your job, your relationship status and the lack of a social life. If you were a party person, then you would be out there having a ball, not at home whining about it. Like I said before, accept who YOU are and you will automatically stop comparing.

9) Understand that life isn't over when you turn 30.
Remember all the lists that tell you what you should have done when you were 18, 21, 25 etc. Well guess what? Half the people in the world haven't done even one-fourth of those lists. Doesn't make the entire world a bunch of losers now does it?
So maybe you didn't travel Europe when you were 25, maybe you didn't save as much when you were 29, maybe you didn't get drunk and pass out when you were 21, maybe you didn't find that blogging and writing could be a career when you were 18. So what? Life isn't over.You are just turning 30, not 80. You don't need a bucket list now. You probably never need a bucket list. Our whole lives have become so dictated by what everyone else says especially some random strangers on the internet. When are you going to live by what you want?

10) Change your lifestyle.
If you've accepted who you are and found your zen and let go of the past, the only thing left to do is to change your lifestyle. Change is growth. Allow yourself to grow. So maybe you like broccoli now (eugh I can't imagine that ever happening but I am just saying). Maybe you would rather spend more time cooking than socialising. Maybe you want to watch action movies instead of romance. It isn't weird. After all change is the only constant.

I can't promise that life will be rosy if you figure out all of this by the time you are 30. Hell I don't think life is ever rosy, but it gets easier if you hang in there. Life can be a total b*tch, no one denied that but you get stronger as well.Trust me you will grow into the responsible adult with a sunshine kid inside of her without even realising it. Take care.

Love
Almost 30 year old Me