On Popular Demand : The 30th Birthday.

So they say that anything done for 30 days becomes a habit. I never thought that I would get hooked onto writing like this. It is beyond just cathartic. I am now addicted. This is my morphine, my vicodin, my cannabis.

It has been a week since I wrote and my fingers have literally been itching to type away. The clickety clack of the keyboard, the words rumbling around in my head till they form on the screen making some sort of sense, the images playing in front of my eyes as if on replay, all of this has been sorely missed. That's why I am back here.

That and the fact that it was sort of hinted more than once that I needed to write about my 30th birthday and how some people had made it totally special. I decided to be generous and make some space in my online world for them.

Okay just kidding. There were no threats made, but I think my cousin and her husband definitely need to be thanked because without them this Singapore trip would not have happened. (that's how thanksgiving speeches begin). Also I know that they were the ones under a LOT of pressure to make this birthday extra special, which they did and this is sort of my way of telling them how much I love them for it.

So what did I do on my birthday?
I went from adult to child to adult again. Confused??

The night before saw me being a proper 30 year old, drinking champagne (not liking it and pouring the rest of it into my friend's glass), getting cake smeared on my face and my beautifully highlighted hair, and getting phone calls from my family. Btw the cake was outstanding and definitely one of the best cakes ever!

On 5th morning, the child in me (more like the nerd/teacher in me) wanted to go the Science centre and just get lost in the midst of the world of experiments and learning. Absolutely loved every minute of it. Maybe even more than my 9 year old nephew did.
Then, since I had taken the rains from Bangalore along with me, we got caught in the middle of a thunderstorm (mind you, the thunder is really loud in Singapore. like scary loud) and got drenched while running towards a food court.

Normally I am like cat and like to curl up inside when it rains, Nope not a fan of getting wet. However I do believe that if you are setting out to do an activity, you must do it justice. I was on holiday. I was there to enjoy and experience every minute of Singapore life and if that meant running in the rain in a summer dress, then so be it.

After all of this we landed back home and one of my best friends (who happens to live in Singapore) took me to this beautiful restaurant, Level 33, for dinner. Like the name suggests, it is the 33rd floor of tower 2 in the Marina Bay Financial towers, from where you are a part of the skyline and you get to see the harbour front etc etc all lit up. Breath taking. The perfect way to end a beautiful day with some olives and good company.

All in all a great birthday. I know my best friend's sister will beg to differ since I did not cry on my birthday and there is a common rumour that Krupa's birthday can be classified under "best birthday ever" only if I have shed a few tears. I am neither going to agree with that nor disagree with that, and end this blog post on that note.

So here;s more trips, more birthdays, more experiences, and lots more writing.

Cheers to 30!

Krupa

P.S nope I am not doing #365daysto31 nor am I taking up the rigorous task of blogging with a schedule here. 

#30DaysToThirty: The End... Or the beginning?

On this day, Dec 5th, 30 years ago, in 1985, at this time (1.33am), a baby girl was born. Her father had been with her mother up until Dec 4th night. He took a train back to Bangalore from Coimbatore and promised to come back the following weekend. Somewhere in the middle of the night he woke up with a thought, what if his baby had been born already? His gut feeling was perfect. When he landed in office the next morning he got the news that his wife had delivered a healthy baby girl. His first child.

Now 30 years later, she sits here, typing away. 


I know that technically yesterday's post was the 30th post, but I couldn't resist sharing this small story with everyone.

When I took up the challenge to write a post every day for 30 days, I was excited. I never thought how hard it would be. Drawing the line between what could be shared on a public forum without comprising on the quality of the content was really difficult. I had to really dig deep for some of the posts, but the response I got was overwhelming. It reassured me that I am a good writer, that I do have the capacity to entertain people and make them come back to read more.

Thank you for being such a wonderful audience.

This is the end of #30daystothirty, but my saga continues....

krupa

BTW this post was scheduled to go up at 1.33am. 

#30DaysToThirty: Thoughts of a 30 year old on marriage.

Taking a small break from the birthday posts, this is something that I contemplated writing after I turned 30, but no, I think I'm ready for it now.

Yes I am 30 and yes I am not married. Nope I am not secretly in love with someone. Nope I am not rebelling against marriage. And no, nothing is wrong with me. I am perfectly healthy- physically and mentally. I am also ready to get married. But things don't just happen when you want, right? Some things take time to happen. You have to give it that time. I understand that. Why doesn't the rest of the world?

"What have my parents been doing for so long", some nosy people ask. My parents have been living their life and letting me live mine. Whoever said that getting their daughter married was their sole purpose in life? And please don't tell me it is their "job/duty"? By the way, if parenting was considered as a duty, then mind you getting me married doesn't end their call of duty.

What do I want from a groom, asks everyone. Good question. I wish that answer was simple. I want everything. A friend, a roommate, a party planner, a partner in crime, a person who thinks like me, but is nothing like me. A guy who can handle tears, and one who can write well. A man who knows when to stand up for me and when to let me face the fire. A person to sit on the sofa beside me and read a book, one to walk along the streets and hold my hand. A man who doesn't shy away from PDA, but also knows that he doesn't have to assert his right over me in front of my guy friends. A guy who can accept my guy friends, because lets face it, I have more of them in my contacts list. A person who understands that I need my time alone and I need my girly gossip time. A man who surprises me with flowers mid week and understands I like to shop alone. A guy who doesn't sympathize with me only at 'that time of the month' and a guy who doesn't write off my mood swings as PMS. A person who can talk sports and politics with my sister, because I know nothing on those. That special someone to balance my hyperness and also understand how much I love life. A guy who never compares me to his mother, sister, or ex girlfriend. A guy willing to cry to me (not literally) about how his ex broke his heart. That person who understands that I have secrets that I don't wish to share. Someone who can accept that I too have a past , but my present and future is with him. The sanity to my craziness.


I want a simple wedding. I don't have the patience to go through 5 dress changes and allow 7 ladies to stand in the room and watch as one patti ties that 9 yard sari, while the rest just throw about their 2 cents worth of knowledge. I really don't care who did all the work and how someone else took all the credit for it. I don't want to have the bride's room filled with boxes and boxes of stuff that are not the bride's and everyone just walks in and out of the room like it is a train station. I am too old to sleep at 1am and get up at 3am to wash my hair in cold water and wait for a makeup artist to do my makeup and hair while I sit in a blouse and petticoat and the damn 'candid' photographer hovers around trying to click pictures of me that look natural yet not obscene (remember I have not yet draped the sari). I don't want to hear how my dad's third cousin's wife's sister whines about getting a sari worth only 2000INR while my mother's second cousin's granddaughter got a sari worth 300INR. (why do we give saris to everyone? I don't get it. I mean I am the one getting married,  why does everyone else need gifts?). And don't even get me started on how I have to not eat food till 4pm (after waking up at 3am) but everyone else gets to rave about the amazing pal payasam. After all that I will barely remember even a moment of the wedding and will have to hear everyone, and I mean everyone, give me their version of what happened.

All I want is to exchange garlands, sit on my daddy's lap, get a thaali tied, cry a bit, get the marriage certified by a registrar and then get on with living my life. I suppose that isn't too hard now, is it?

Okay who am I kidding, we all know that while this makes for a great blog post and a very vague possibility, I have zero control over how things will actually pan out, but well. this is what would be on my mind. Thoughts of a 30 year old on marriage.

krupa 

#30DaysToThirty: Diary entry from novemeber 4th.

November 4th, 2015

Dear Diary
So yesterday we all realised that the month of November and December was going to be crazy and all four of us would be travelling. In fact, we would be in different places for my 30th birthday. That weekend is NH7 so my sister would be in Pune or Bangalore. Mom and dad would be heading to a wedding in Coimbatore. I was supposed to go with them, because it is Janaki aunty's daughter's wedding, but I just can't. In fact I don't think I can make it to Shyam's wedding as well which is just a day before that. As okay as I am with the fact that marriage just isn't on the cards for me yet, I am not okay to celebrate someone else's special day when I turn 30! Dec 5th should be my special day. All the attention and  limelight has to be on me. Period. So I made a decision, I am not attending any weddings. I am going to stay right here, in Bangalore. I have enough people with whom I do want to celebrate my birthday with. There is Nandu and Sharad and Francis and Ranju. Let me not forget Poove and Amith. I have all the people that I love right here. What more do I need??

Well this is what I thought, but I didn't know that my family had a different plan altogether.

My dad insisted that we go out for dinner tonight. A birthday celebration a month in advance. He was so insistent. Sometimes dad can just be a pain. But anyway, I love eating out, so we got ready and went. We decided to try Imli. Oh man, the bindi fry was just amazing!!! And the sabudana vada too. I am totally going back there for those two dishes. 

After dinner, my sister kept a wrapped package next to me. A birthday gift already? Wow!! In my sister's typical style, she had wrapped it in multiple layers and there was a note on each layer. Oh I have to tell what each note said. 

Note 1: DON'T MAKE PLANS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY (we already have...)

Note 2: Bring in the new decade in a new country 

Note 3: We don't know about spa, but you can spend the weekend with Meena 
Do you remember that I had made plans with Meena last year on my birthday to have a spa session with her for my 30th.  

OMG!! Like what the hell just happened?? You know me. I was obviously in tears by the time I finished opening the last layer of wrapping. In there lay my passport and tickets to SINGAPORE.

I was touched. Actually that would be an understatement. To get a family like this, I must have done something right, right?? I am actually holding back my tears as I write this. 

Wooohhoo!! Singapore here I come!! 


Okay so yes, the cat is out of the bag. As you all read this I will be on my way to Singapore. This marks the 29th post, by the way.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: Best gifts in 30 years

If you tell me that you don't like getting gifts on your birthday, then you are a person that I don't want to know.

Here are some of my favourite gifts so far no a random order.

1. Miniature DIY doll house
2. My first makeup kit
3. My only Barbie
4. A teenage mutant ninja turtles card
5. Handmade paper mache pen stand.
6. Box of 27 gifts
7. Silver pendant with my name engraved
8. My first salsa dress
9. A helmet filled with birthday messages on sticky notes. 
10. Handmade cards
11. My first bank account with money it of course.
12. Framed collage of pics with my 10 C gang
13. Handmade photoframe with a pic of me dancing in it.
14. My blue cap
15. Chain and earrings with my birthstone
16. Ghajini  music cassette
17. Green bandhini dupatta
18. A blue sari
19. Pink carnations
20. Tickets to a Suriya movie
21. A box of doughnuts.
22. Black blazer from Stalk Buy Love 
23. Sherry, my doggy doll.
24. Aldo wallet
25. Cup cakes with 10 C forever written on it.
26. A powerpoint with pictures and voice recording of all my friends.
27. A booklet with discount coupons
28. Bobbi brown gel eyeliner
29. Vincent chase sunglasses
30. Tickets to Singapore

Yes yes I am a materialistic person. But hello, how many of you remember gifts that you were given at the age of 5? I do.

Countdown to the birthday continues

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: How I almost ruined my 16th Birthday.

By now all of you know that I am one of those people who always has expectations for her birthday and I LOVE planning my birthday. Now when I was turning 16, I took it into my head that I wanted a surprise party (clearly influenced by the chick flicks I saw). Now how does one arrange their own surprise party?? You don't. You just relax and hope that someone will do it for you. Or better still, it will happen when you least expect it (like my 18th birthday)

Try that reasoning with a overly imaginative, super excited 15 year old girl. It just doesn't work. I had dropped all sorts of hints about wanting a surprise party and waited for it to happen. And I waited and waited. I was very sincerely hoping that someone would slip and I would get to know that some planning was happening. As it go closer and closer to my birthday I started to worry. Being the control freak that I am, I just needed to know that my birthday was going to be special, and my mom and friends seemed to be doing nothing about it.

Finally two days before my birthday I walked up to my mom and said that I want to call all my friends and have a party. She said okay and did the necessary arrangements. I invited all of my 10 C gang and so much fun. It was one of the best parties.

Okay so my birthday was done, then I got to know that a surprise party was actually being planned and I had completely ruined the "surprise" part of it. Hey in my defense, how was I to know that something was being planned. I just knew that I wanted to have a good time on my birthday.

I know my mother and best friend still talk about that till date.

And that's the story of how I almost ruined my 16th birthday. Almost.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: The Preparations for the BIG Day

I know this is the kind of post that most people do when they are getting married- the countdown to the big day. Who says only weddings are important! For me my birthday is important. Period.

And well it seemed apt that on the 30th, I did a post about the preparations involved for the 30th birthday. It is a standard joke in my house and among friends that as soon as one birthday gets over, I start planning for the next birthday, 364 days in advance. Not completely true, but not exactly false as well.

Anyway here are thirty things I have done so far in preparation for the big THREE OH!

1. Whined about having to spend my birthday alone.
2. Went for a family dinner 30 days before the big day.
3. Cried with joy at the beautiful gift that my family gave to me a month in advance (more on that later)
4. Took up a blogging challenge of a blog post every day till my birthday
5. Started planning for my big trip. (related to point no.3)
6. Had a party with an amazing bunch of friends as a pre birthday celebration.
7. Cut a birthday cake
8. Stayed up till 4am and felt like a zombie all day the next day.
9. Got sunglasses as a gift.
10. Spend hours looking for inspiration as to how I would like my hair makeover to be.
11. Cut my hair
12. Get highlights.
13. Had a relaxing hair spa session.
14. Got a black dress stitched
15. Reminisced about previous birthdays.
16. Went roaming on the streets of Bombay looking for a belt for my new dress
17. Went shopping for the big trip
18. Sent loads of pictures to my friends after my hair transformation
19. Complained about how I need to lose weight.
20. Researched online about things to do on my big trip.
21. Got very apprehensive about taking a trip alone. 
22. Jumped around in excitement when my birthday dress came on the same day as my hair transformation
23. Got lost on the way Phoenix Market City
24. Made loads of To-Do lists.
25. Travelled back alone from the airport for the first time
26. Told random strangers that I turn 30 soon. 
27. Started packing.
28. Texted my friends whom I going to meet on my big trip and made sure that they were as excited about my birthday as I was.
29. Mentally prepared myself for the idea of my first semi-solo trip
30. Write out this list.

And we have 5 days to go still, let the countown begin.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: Letter to 40 year old me.

Dear 40 year old me

I hope you are married by now. Oh Dear God, I pray that you are married by the time you are 40. You have no F.R.I.E.N.D.S style pacts with anyone, so if you aren't married by the time you are 40, then for sure you will continue to grow in a crabby spinster.

If things go well your skin should have cleared up atleast by then. I know you look like an awkward overgrown teenager with painful pimples and acne scarring. Don't lose hope. Just come to terms with the fact that you will have a lot more crows feet and wrinkles than you do now.

The one thing I know you take a lot of pride in is your beautiful hair. It isn't going remain as it is forever. Accept the numerous white hair that will join the existing 10 strands that have already appeared. You could still look elegant with white hair. You never know.

Don't give upon blogging. No matter how many children you have (not more than two I hope), no matter how hectic your job is (assuming you will still be working), take the time to write and blog. The happiness this gives you can never be replaced by anything else.

Learn about finances. I know that anything beyond the basic RD and FD is slightly overwhelming, but you need to know where your money is going. You also need to know what are the oh-so many investments that your daddy has made. I mean you will be 40, you can't keep asking him every time you have to file Income Tax.

I know you are a good cook and that you enjoy cooking, but you really need to cook faster. I mean you can't take an hour and a half to make, rice, rasam and potato curry. At this rate you may have to start cooking breakfast from the night before.

Continue to do yoga and start meditation. Everyone knows that ageing gracefully includes good mental health and physical health. I am sure you will still be dancing around the house at the age of 40, but you will need some form of actual exercise.

Have friends younger than you. There is nothing more rejuvenating than having a conversation with a fresh voice. Younger people always have a different perspective to throw at you. Look at life through their eyes. It could be just what you need to get out of a rut.

Last but not in any way the least, enjoy being alone. Now that you know it isn't so bad, relish the ME time you get because you surely are not going to be a lot of that in the years to come. Go for spa days, pamper yourself, go out for a cup of tea and read a good book.

Cheers to an older, hopefully wiser you.

With love

30 year old me.

#30DaysToThirty: 29th birthday

So with a week to go, I thought I would reminisce a bit about last year's birthday.

It fell on a Friday and I had gone for an awesome hair spa the day before and of course a haircut. It so happened that one of my best friends was in town that day and he came home for breakfast. I went to my old work place for lunch and dinner was with family. The highlight of the birthday was actually the next day.

I had planned a full fledged party with school friends. A birthday party the way it should be. Cake, balloons, chips, and snacks.

Another friend, who's birthday is just two days after mine arranged for some games. All Minute To Win It style games.

Everyone was a bit skeptical about playing games, I mean we are almost 30, but it was great fun!! I mean everyone was roaring with laughter and getting competitive. It was amazing to see how much team spirit was there and of course some teasing. It was like our basic skills were being tested. Can you throw a ping pong ball? Can you balance items one on top of the other? We all bonded, well re bonded.


Age is just a number after all.

regards
Krupa

#30DaysToThirty: why there is no proper post today

So a week to go for my birthday and I am already partying!!! We'll talk about that in another post. But for today some of my closest, bestest, most awesome friends are here and they refuse to let me be anti social and blog for the day

I have already had the best time this evening so far with German chocolate cake and some red wine and of course baby corn machurian. But more importantly I brought together a bunch of random people who have just clicked and are roaring with laughter in the background as I type. I must go join them because these moments are meant to captured in my memory forever After all, you turn 30 only once right!!!

Till tomorrow

TC

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: KIA 7A

Sometimes, we just meet random people and click with them. Last Tuesday I flew back to Bangalore from Mumbai and took a bus to get back home.

Confession: I am one of those pampered people whose dad usually books a taxi ride for her. 

This time I decided to take the bus. I know that there are airport buses that stop pretty close by my place. I had had a terrible flight. The back row was filled with kids. Noisy pain-in-the-ass kids. I wanted to gag them and make them sit down. I mean do they not understand the point of wearing a seat belt. Actually I blame their parents. But anyway...

The flight was also smelly and.. you get the point. I was in a bad mood by the time I got off and I could not wait to get home.

To add to my bad mood, the restrooms were all being cleaned. The airport has two restrooms and both of them were being cleaned. AT THE SAME TIME. Where is a woman supposed to empty her bladder?? 

Anyway after a bit of hunting, I found another restroom tucked away in a far corner. Peace at last.

I went out, picked up a Sub for dinner and went to the bus stop. For some reason when I reached the bus stop I was so tired that I pretty much that got into the first bus that went towards my area. This whole while my parents took it in turns to keep whatsapping me and asking whether I got a bus, what the bus number was, whether I bought a ticket etc etc. Then when I told them the bus number, whatsapp messages stopped and I got a phone call. 

"Why did you get on this bus? I thought you knew the bus numbers to take. This stops too far away. How will you get home?" My father's voice sounded panicky on the other end. At this point I kind of lost it and told my parents to chill and let me make my own mistakes. Truth be told I was damn annoyed with myself for getting on a bus that didn't reach exactly where I wanted it to and I was tired and grumpy and well my parents were being a bit too protective. I was back on home ground. I could handle this. I finished the phone call and bought the ticket.

The girl in the seat next to me asked me in a concerned tone. "are you new to Bangalore?"

I am pretty sure I grunted instead of replying. But that was the start of a one and half hour long conversation. We talked about annoying kids on the flight, and painful co passengers who believe that the aisle is their private walking path. We talked about protective parents and younger siblings. We pondered on the idea that though we loved having people around, at some point we had started to enjoy being alone. We both hated routine 9-5 jobs and had grown up in Bangalore all our lives. 

It was the best one and half hours ever. We talked without asking each other's name till we had to get off. We didn't exchange numbers or even last names. 

Strangers on a bus. That's all we were. 

Krupa

#30DaysToThirty: My Daddy Bestest

The daddy daughter relationship is one that has been written about, spoken about and talked about so much that that beauty of the relationship has been established. I'm not here to add a new dimension to that. On my daddy's 59th birthday I am here to just talk about him. About us.

I have the gift of the gab, no doubt in that. I get that from my mom. What I do get from my dad is my trusting nature, my attachment to a few select people, my sensitivity, my oh-so big nose and my dazzling smile.

 

I know my dad always says that he never really knew me till I was in my 8th. Maybe that is true. Partially because he was always so busy working, we never really talked. Plus there isn't much that a 10 year old can really talk to her dad about and connect with him. When he did a two year stint in Calcutta (yes it was still Calcutta then) is when we started to talk. I would regale him with my stories of school (I like to think he enjoyed hearing them as much as I liked telling him) and every day life. Distance does make the heart grow fonder. Even then, it was always me talking. I don't recall ever asking him about his work or how he was (narcissist that I was and am). 

I never really understood what he actually did. I still don't for a lot of the time. No matter how many times he explains to me how mutual funds and equity work, I still stare blankly like I am hearing it for the first time. When he starts to tell me how much has been invested in my name and how I need to be aware of how much insurance I will get when he 'kicks the bucket', makes me tell him to just shut up because who wants to hear their daddy talk about dying. He frowns at my inability to answer 15* 16 in under 10 seconds and cringes when he sees me counting on my fingers to add 234 + 18098 (yes my mental maths sucks and well lets be honest so does my written maths). I never follow cricket or tennis with him nor can I remember the exact date of when he fractured his ankle. He can never understand that I don't share his love for godhamai halwa (wheat halwa) or vazathandu (curry made from banana stem), and it puzzles him that honey and walnuts make me go yuck.

But I can tell you this. Over 30 years (well almost 30) my daddy has grown, I have have grown and our relationship had matured. We may not have a lot more things in common now, but we do connect way better. I don't understand what it is like to be a parent (not yet) but I do know why he worries more about me than my sister. I now know that the reason he hates to see me cry is not because he can't handle an emotional me, it is because he doesn't like to see me heart broken or disappointed. I know that he knows that I will always be delighted to cook for him when he comes to my place. I know that he has great taste in clothes and accessories and loves pampering me. 

No my dad is not my friend. I don't think parents should be friends. They should be friendly, yes. But they don't need to know about 'that time when you were so drunk you could barely stand' (chill dad, I don't have any such stories). They do need to know that they can trust you even if they aren't around. They need to feel like that they have brought you up with the right values. I know I have shown my dad that (well I hope so. Right daddy?)

My dad is my mentor, my protector, my knight in shining armour, my selfie taking partner, my shoulder to cry on, my guinea pig to try my cooking on, my ATM, a fan of my writing, an admirer of my style and most of all, the biggest pillar of support in whatever I do. 

I know that somethings will never change. 

Happy Birthday Daddy Dearest. 

Love 

Krupa

#30DaysToThirty: Anushka's story

After a phone call from my dad asking me based on whom I had written this, I thought I should add a disclaimer.
Disclaimer- The following story is fictional and while it may resemble many of the students I have taught it is inspired by them but not based on any one of them.

"Anushka, you've failed again."
"But I have 68%"
"Sorry but the cut off is 70%. You will have to leave the college."
"No No", she screamed and jumped off the building. Pools of blood were forming around her as she closed her eyes. The last thing she saw was a copy of her perfect marks card floating down beside her.

*gasp* She woke up to find herself in a pool of sweat. It was just a nightmare. One that felt unbelievably real. One that could become real one day. How life had changed in 75 days...


75 days ago...

She took a deep breath and sighed. All around her was lush greenery with buildings spaced out between the tall trees and the shrubbery. From her hostel window she could see the morning fog lift off the lake. The lake was within her campus. She could barely believe that she was in one of the most prestigious institutions in the country. This is what she had worked towards for the past 4 years. No wait, 6 years.

Ever since she had cleared the All India Level Maths Olympiad in class 7, there were a lot of eyes that followed her journey over the next 3 years as she continued to clear the Olympiad 3 years in a row and rank 1st. She had been working diligently since class 7 to maintain her ranking. The kids in her class who didn't like her termed her as a geek, but it was a label she wore without any thought.

Once she had finished her 10^th, naturally she had wanted to focus on The entrance and took up a course that ensured that she spent more time working out problems for the Mains than unnecessary lab work and records for class. What a sheer waste of time it was to be drawing circuits and cells.

She had also been the top of her batch for the pre- entrance foundation all through class 7 to class 10. She thought she had achieved a lot, but her parents wanted more. She had to clear The entrance. Not just clear but rank within the top 100. They did everything they could to help her.

Anushka had not watched television in over 4 years. She had no idea that The Big Bang Theory was a tv program or who this alleged Sheldon Cooper was. The Big Bang Theory that she knew talked about the physics of the expansion of the universe. Her parents ensured that she got some free time, but the free time was only to have meals, not to play basketball or on frivolous activities. What if she got hurt at a crucial time and couldn't take the exam? The entire two years were crucial. Socializing was restricted. No one came home and they never went out except for her 16th birthday. Luckily that had come on a Sunday, so she spent Sunday evening out with her parents.

Life in her house had come to stand still for the 3 months when she had all the entrance exams, and the day she had gotten her ranking, she was relieved. Finally, it was over. She thought she would feel more ecstatic, but she didn’t.

Now she was finally here. The college of her dreams. Well more like the college of her parents dreams. As she sat on her bed and watched her roommate snoring in her sleep, she knew that this had been more of her parents dream, than hers. But she had to fulfill it right? I mean who else would!! They had wanted the best for her. And here she was, at the best institution in India.

An engineering degree from here was her passport to universities abroad and jobs in top notch companies. This was it. Now that she was could finally relax and live life. Or so she thought.
College is hard. Life away from home harder. And after breezing through school, getting into a college that took in only the crème de la crème, life suddenly became the hardest. Not only did they have to manage classes, and lab work. But they had all pretty much become part time housekeepers as well. The room had to be cleaned, you had to ensure that you had clean clothes to wear and no one would serve meals to your room just because you were studying. You had to go to the mess and get your own food or starve. All this along with having to study to maintain a 70% aggregate was starting to take a toll.

The competition was intense, the course was grueling and her classmates unyielding. Everyone wanted to prove that they were the best and the concept of class spirit was unheard of. The pressure was mounting day by day and as it got closer to the first semester exams one could feel the temperatures rising.

Now, 75 days later she had started to doubt her capability. Was she fit to be here? Why had she given up writing and her spot on the basketball team for this? Was this really what she wanted? Maybe she wasn’t good enough to be here. She had never felt so alone in all her 18 years of being a single child. Little did she know that this wasn’t only her story.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: My tryst with dance

Amazing that in 10 days of blogging I haven't talked about dance and my journey through it.

My earliest memories of dance go back to when I was about 5 or younger. We were in London and I remember being on stage with a small deepam in my hand. I remember peering out from behind the curtain to see if my parents were in the audience. I remember loving the adrenaline rush of being in the limelight.

I started learning Bharatnatyam at the age of 5 and half. For a brief period I was learning at Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan somewhere in the heart of London. Our guru was insistent that we wear a sari. It was a white and red sari. We had to wear a tee shirt and leggings underneath. The sari had to be tied at calf length and the knot of the pallu had to sit just at the tail bone. If it wasn't tight enough, then our guru would tighten it such that you can't even imagine hunching. You were forced to keep a straight back and keep your posture perfect. I looked forward to Monday dance classes, I mean there were some incentives that made it better. An awesome mini pizza would be waiting for me when I got back from school. My mom would heat up this mini frozen pizza for me to eat before I rushed off for class that was almost 45 minutes away. (I can still taste that pizza as I talk about it). After class was done, my neighbour's father would pick us up and sometimes we would stop at MacDonalds on the way back to pick up a small packet of French fries (yes my tryst with French fries goes back almost as long as my love for dance). Oh how I loved dance classes.

Then we moved back to India and of course dance had to continue. We went through about 3 dance teachers in a span of 5 years or so. Finally settled on one who made sure I went ahead to do my State Level Junior Exam. Definitely one of my biggest achievements. I went on to continue to learn Bharatnatyam till my 11th standard.

A lot of people ask me if I have done my arrangetram. and well no I haven't. I very categorically told my parents that I did not want to do it. I just wanted to learn dance because I loved it and not be forced to practice for 4 hours a day to perform a 3 hour solo. Sure it is an amazing opportunity to showcase what you have learnt but it was not for me. (I have a lot of these notions that get stuck in my head)

When you are a dancer, choreography is a natural progression. A lot of these choreographies were for performances with cousins during the summer holidays, or in the apartments with my friends. Come Undone by Duran Duran was one of the first songs I remember choreographing. I think the choreographies that I enjoyed the most were as a teacher. It was great fun to teach the students and get like 40 of them on stage. The stage has literally been rocked!!

After being a classical dancer for more than a decade, I tried my hand at salsa and western jazz. Jazz was definitely an experience!! I mean it was so different from Bharatnatyam. I had to let go of all the stiffness and allow the movements to just flow. Man I would look at myself dancing and think "Ugh can't you do that pirouette better?" I am my own critic.

I still dance around the house. I dance when I am sad. I dance when I am happy. I dance when I just need to make myself feel better. Dancing, like writing, has been a way of expression for me. It will always be a part of me. In fact it will always be my identity.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: Mumbai calling

By the time this post goes up I will be in Mumbai on a quick family vacation.

The last time I went to Mumbai (rather the first time I went) was in 2010 April/May. It was my first trip to any place above the latitudes and longitudes of Bangalore on my own. Given my knowledge of Hindi (I mean the lack of knowledge) I was pretty apprehensive but also really excited.

The train journey in itself was an experience. Over 7 hours on my own was interesting. I thought I would be incredibly bored but I kept myself entertained with books and music and eating non stop. Let me not forget the extensive hours of sleeping. Time really passes by quickly when you are snoring on the upper berth.

I got off at Dadar and went to my aunt's place. I had vada pav on my very first day because my aunt wanted to make sure I had the Bombay food experience.

I did the usual things that every one does at Mumbai- Gateway of India, Leopald Cafe, street side shopping, local train travel, see Marine Drive, travel for hours to reach from one side to the other and well taking in the sights and smells of Bombay- the city of dreams.

For me it was definitely felt like a dream to be out there with my friends and as just me.

It has been 5 years and my memories are starting to fade (#oldage) but there are some incidents/ events that remain fresh.

My perippa, who I stayed with at the fair end of my journey, was the one who put me on the train back to Bangalore. The food hamper that he packed for me is something I will never forget. Dinner rolls, small packets of butter, a tiny spoon, juice, jam, fruits, tepla and tons of love. I completely enjoyed sitting by the window, buttering the dinner rolls, sipping on coffee and reading a book. It makes me happy that this time I am in Mumbai to celebrate his 60th birthday.

I stayed a friend's place for a night and well that was the night I got a call from my parents telling me that my dad was going in for a surgery (my family and their history with hospitals is a post of its own). My friend's husband (whom I was meeting for the first time) was truly the biggest sweetheart and wanted to book flight tickets for me to return immediately. I had had an amazing day with the both of them and I was extremely touched by his gesture.

Surat. In the middle of this trip I did a super fast trip to Surat and back. Having a mama there was useful. My mami, a teacher, was the one who showed me how to tie my sari neatly and elegantly. She also took my shopping and helped me buy my first set of saris for work. Let me not forget all the yummy food that she cooked.

Last but not in any way the least. My favourite memory of that Mumbai trip wascoming back with 3 bags full (like like Ba Ba Black Sheep). I went with one suitcase and came back with three. In my defense I was just starting my first job and I needed a new wardrobe for it.

Cheers to more travels like this.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: The Birthday Traditions

A friend once described me as " a sunshine birthday" person. Very true and very apt. I love birthdays and of course I love my birthday the most. Like duh. For the first time ever I am going to sharing some of my crazy birthday traditions. Some things that I like to do every year on my birthday and for my birthday.

All you judgemental people out there this is when you stop reading and step away from the computer..

1) Stay up till midnight.

I like spend the night before preparing for my birthday. I like to give myself a small pamper session the night before with a pedicure and a manicure. Usually my nails will complement my birthday dress. Though I must mention that with age it is getting harder to stay up till midnight.

2) Multiple new dresses.

I am super particular about having a new dress on my birthday. Inevitably my tailor messes things up and never gives my dress on time. So I always, and I mean ALWAYS have a back up plan. (The back up plan has also included throwing a fit so my daddy takes me shopping the night before).  In fact I love having multiple new clothes for my birthday. It is the best excuse to shop for new stuff. (Not that I need an excuse).

3) The hair cut.

I go for a yearly hair cut before my birthday. Some birthdays I've tried new haircuts and sometimes it is just a trim. I love my hair and well, though I don't go crazy experimenting with it, I do like to step out of my comfort zone once in a while. 

4) The blessings and wishes.

Ever since I was a little girl, my grandparents and aunts and uncles would always be the first ones to call me early in the morning and wish me. Over the years the 6am wishes have now become 10am wishes but my day is not complete if I don't hear from them. One year, I didn't get a call from my maternal grandparents and I called them and asked for their blessings. In fact I even go to the extent of reminding a few key people about my birthday, just to get their wishes. I know there are a lot of people who will read this and say "Sheesh! What a woman. Why can't she just let go of it and let people be?" Well I believe that if someone matters to you, you need to reach out to them. Everyone's lives have just become so hectic that remembering birthdays have become a part to a to-do checklist. My birthday, I want the wishes, whats wrong in me asking for them. Isn't that better than sulking that they forgot?

5) Getting flowers.

I think there has never been a year when I haven't gotten flowers. And nope I don't ask for flowers. Maybe I ask for gifts :P but not flowers. Yet people always give me flowers. It has become a birthday tradition or the simplest way for people to escape from putting thought into an actual gift. And hell yes, I still expect gifts. I don't see why I shouldn't. Just because I am growing older doesn't mean I've stopped wearing clothes, accessories, perfumes, make up or stopped reading books and watching movies. (those are all the hints I could possibly fit into one line.) 

6) The special meal.
My mommy is the best. She always cooks something I love for one of the meals. Either pasta, pizza, lasgna, chole batura. No matter what plans I make with friends, one meal is always only with family on my birthday.

So what's special for your birthday?

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: All about quality family time.

I know there probably a bunch of youngesters who will cringe at the idea of "quality time" with the family. As you grow older it sure does become a distant idea. In fact right now in my house we all have such different schedules that it drives my mother insane trying to keep track. My sister has gone to the point where she has a calendar stuck on her door which is updated every day  with her upcoming gigs and lunch and dinner appointments. In fact the chances of all four of us being at home at the same time is a rare occasion. This basically translates no family time.

Sometimes we try and make the effort to have a meal together, to get out as a family and most of the time these planned activities are just a bit of a disaster. There are arguments and heated discussions that mostly end with someone being annoyed and angry.

The best moments are the unplanned ones.

It was a cold evening and my sister and I had just got back home after running a bunch of errands. My mom and I hate the cold. In an attempt to warm up a bit, my mom made some soup. My dad was doing some work on the computer. I was writing a question paper and my sister was watching some episode on the laptop.

The hot soup and buttery toast summoned everyone to table automatically. I talked about my day at work. My sister discussed her December travel plans. My dad got up to make more toast. We sat and joked and laughed and finally decided that pasta salad should be the dinner for the night.

My sister and I moved to the kitchen to get started with making the pasta. Dad washed the vessels and mom just relaxed reading out some jokes from her whatsapp groups. We gossiped about the extended family a bit, made plans for all the weddings to come and of course talked about how my wedding should NOT be. All this while my sister chopped the veggies, I boiled the pasta then sauteed everything and mixed.

It was harmony without even trying. No extra effort put to try and have a good time. No talks about how we never have family time. It just happened, like magic. Talk about quality family time.

krupa.

#30DaysToThirty: 3 reasons why I love to hate Bangalore

I am a Bangalorean by heart and soul. I love this city and I will defend it till my last breath. This city has been my home for over 20 years now and I cannot imagine having lived anywhere else. While I have a million reasons to love this place, I have just three reasons to not love it.

1) There's a hole in my pocket, Dear Sally, Dear Sally. 
Yeah I know technically the song is "There's a hole in my bucket" but anyhoo.
Being out with friends in Bangalore means spending a LOAD of money. Expenses just go through the roof. I always spending beyond my budget on food. There is no concept of inexpensive places in Bangalore. Going out = make wallet lighter. This is definitely my biggest grudge against Bangalore.

2) Pitted and potted.
I hate travelling a long distance by bike. More specifically my back and bum hate me for it!! I mean one rain and the roads are messed beyond repair. You would think that by now they would have found a way to fix the roads in such a way that it lasts. Bangalore roads are so bad that anyone with a medical condition should NOT live here, and if you don't have a medical condition, then you will definitely develop one.

3) Weather predicted. Yeah right!
When you see clouds and wear a sweater, the sun will shine and you will be sweating like a pig. If it looks like a sunny day, the sky will darken by noon.
Yes Bangalore weather is pleasant, at times! But these erratic mood swings  makes me feel like Namma Bengaluru is on PMS mode permanently. As much as I love the cool breeze and the warm sun and rainbows that appear, there are times I want to tell Bangalore, "could you please make up your mind?"


Other than this I LOVE Bangalore. I do.

krupa 

#30DaysToThirty: Our Annual Family dinner

Every family has its own set of rituals and traditions. The one thing that my sis and I would always looked forward to was our Annual Family Dinner. No I don't mean that we went out for dinner only once a year. We tried to go out for all our birthdays. However the Annual Family Dinner was this dinner that we would  have at Windsor Manor.

Sometimes we would go for the parents anniversary. Sometimes we would just randomly go in June or July. It took extensive planning. All four of us had to be free with no commitments at school, college or work. This meant no college fests, no meetings that ran late and no engagements with friends. It was usually a Friday evening so that we could relax and eat without worrying about having to get up early the next morning.

Dad would make sure that he came home early from work. I would spend days planning the perfect outfit. Come on! It is a 7 star hotel. I had to look worthy of 7 star okay. I also had to make sure that the rest of my family looked worthy of 7 star. I couldn't be seen with them otherwise. After my dad prodding us to get moving, I would make sure my hair was in place and we would go to the car.

The entire drive down we would talk about what we were going to eat for sure and what we could probably skip. We would remind each other of the mistakes we made last time like eating pasta twice. That just reduces space for dessert. So that is an absolute no!!

Once we reached Windsor Manor, we would head to the restroom, powder room and freshen up and of course take a few selfies. Restrooms always have the best lighting. I can never figure why!!

Before sitting down for soup we would survey the entire menu (we always went for buffet) and make mental notes of what all we had to try and what could be skipped.

I think my favourite part was the cheeses and salads. So many varieties!! My sister always loved the desserts. My mom usually attacked the North Indian subzis while dad pretty much ate everything.

The motto was always simple- Eat slowly, try EVERYTHING vegetarian. It does not matter if you feel like a bloated snake, you had to try everything. Period.

The dinner would always end with my mother doing a Ms Rottenmeier wiping her mouth imitation and my dad asking what she was doing. (If you didn't get the reference then you haven't watched Heidi like we have).

I know someone must be wondering if Annual Family Dinners still happen. Yes they do. Some traditions don't change that easily :D


krupa 

#30DaysToThirty: To the newbie teacher

Dear Fresher 

Just done with your degree and entering the respected position of being a teacher? If you are walking in with an attitude that says 'this will be a piece of cake', you are in for a NASTY shock. Being a teacher is the most time-consuming, mentally-draining, sleep-depriving profession you could choose. No I don't mean to scare you away! Being a teacher is also soul-stirring and happiness-giving. It changes you forever. 

Just working with all those young minds is eye opening. Allow yourself to experience it. Don't shut them out. Your students will show you new ways to appreciate the subject. If they don't then you should show them the beauty of what you teach. They may not see why it is important to know that carbon is tetravalent, but that is why you are there.

Be open to learning from them. In a day and age where answers are available at their finger tips (with smart phones and internet plans it literally is at their fingertips), you need to be able to accept that they may know a bit more than you. Yup, that could hurt your ego, but it's okay. Give praise to having a smart class. It really makes life easier. 

Remember all those years when you wondered what the hell happened within the staffroom, well know you will find out for real. Teachers are people with lives beyond dustless chalk and blackboards. They have stories. They have mood swings. Most importantly they have their own set of problems. Listen to them just like you would listen to your family. As long as you are in school, they are your family. 

As a student, watching a teacher flick the red pen across a page may have seemed absolutely fascinating. It takes less than a month of being a teacher to realise it isn't that fabulous at all. Correcting papers becomes such a routine, that after a point you actually know all the answers from memory (You will wish you could write the exams now. You would totally get 90%).

There will be times when you will wonder whether you were as painful as a student, Surely this is karma coming back to bite you in the behind. Why else would you get a class that makes you want to rip your hair out or throw them all out of the room? Yup. Karma indeed. 

The summer holidays, the christmas holidays,  the puja vacations are all amazing!! No other profession gets as much time off. However no one else has to use these holidays to correct papers, set papers and prepare for class. You are always on duty unlike your IT counterparts who whine at the month end and month beginning but at some point close their laptops and are off duty. 

There is no off season in a teaching job. There are no relaxed moments in this vocation. There is however tons of love from students, overwhelming respect from ex- students, loads of memories created, and so much of happiness that cannot be described. It has to be felt. 

So go on. Don't be afraid. Go ahead and be that teacher.The one that inspired you. The one that you keep in touch with even today. Be that teacher to some kids and see how amazing you feel. 

Love

A teacher.

#30DaysTOThirty: My 18th Birthday

There are some memories that are etched so deeply in your mind that when you think about them they seem so fresh. My 18th Birthday is one such memory

12th std. For a change we didn't have any exams. It was a half day at school but no classes as such because we were done with portions. One of my friends, lets just call her "Pisasu" for the sake of anonymity, insisted on going to watch Kal Ho Na Ho in the afternoon after school. Why the hell would I want to go for a Hindi movie on my birthday?? I wanted to take all of them home for lunch but no, she HAD to go for the movie only that day.

Then there was this guy from 11th. My best friend, well more like my brother in that class. He was being his usual painful self. Fought with me before wishing me and cracked some really lame jokes about me growing old and not getting hints. I had no idea what he was talking about. (turns out he knew something I didn't)

I went home kind of pissed that I didn't get to spend my birthday with my friends at school. I was still fuming that a damn movie was more important than me So my mommy darling made lasagna to cheer me up. I ate and then rushed to tuition.

I remember what I wore. I bought a pair of black jeans with a flared end like a bell bottom (worst choice ever because that stupid jeans kept getting caught in the peddles of my cycle. Of course the pant eventually got ruined because the bell bottoms was way too long and kept trailing on the ground. That was the last time I bought flared out pants.) I had a white full arm top with flared out sleeves. (are you seeing a pattern here) and a metallic belt (which I still have). I wore my new clothes and went to tuition.

I know you must be thinking, "Tuition on your birthday. What a bummer!!" The thing is my tuition teacher was my best friend's mom and aunty insisted that I go for tuition that day even though I said I didn't want to. So I went. I figured I could hang out with Jan atleast.

Aunty wished me and there was just 3 of us in tuition that day. We finished early because aunty had to go out. Jan was restless the entire time. She walked in and out of the tuition room a few times. kept whispering to our other friends there and was obviously agitated by something.

But of course I was too occupied with the fact that it was my birthday and still pissed off that my darling friends had walked out of school to go to a movie on MY birthday. What the hell right!!

Finally tuition got over and I went down to the house (the tuition room was on the top floor) to get my birthday gift from my best friend. (she always gives me the best gifts).

I walk into the dining hall to hears some people scream "SURPRISE". Like what?????

Janani and my mom had conspired to throw a surprise party for my 18th birthday. All my 10 C friends, my 12th standard friends (They didn't go for a movie. They went to buy me a birthday gift), my parents, my sister, some family friends. It was amazing!!! In my usual style, I burst into tears (that's my first response to everything- happiness, sadness, anger, frustration). Of course Janani's sister never lets me forget that I burst into tears, but hey I don't plan to forget that either

It was such an amazing birthday. One that is talked about even now.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: The most annoying student. EVER.

Okay so I'm not one to whine and complain about students. Normally. However I have had the pleasure pain of teaching an extremely annoying kid. EXTREMELY

Fortunately this particular kid used to come home for tuition so I didn't have to see him on a daily basis. Thank God for small mercies.

He liked a lot of drama. He had this high pitched annoying voice where he was always complaining about everything. He complained about writing equations, about his chem teacher at school, about having walk up the stairs, about having to wait for his friend to come for tuition with him, about having to write a test,about having to carry a pencil case to class. If you think I am exaggerating, I am not.

He would come to class breathless, despite taking the lift. Would never call to tell me if he wasn't coming for class some particular day. Would chew my brain with the most useless discussion like why pink was meant only for girls and would cry if I gave his friend a half mark more than him. His ego was three times larger than his mouth and I would find my blood pressure rising the minute he walked into the room. The biggest attention seeker I have ever met. Ever. (In fact I can feel my bp rising as I write this and I am clenching my jaw at just the mere memory of him)

I only had to teach what he wanted. Give tests when he decided and mark it according to what he said. He would argue and fight and whine and complain and basically get on my nerves like nobody ever had. I had this constant itch in my palm to slap him so badly. Let me not even get started with how painful his mother was.

All in all it was a learning experience. I learnt how to control my temper and control the urge to go around slapping people. I learnt how to say no to students for the sake of my peace of mind. I learnt that I am not always going to get sweetheart angels as students. I learnt that parents play such a key role in moulding their children (the mother could not control her child) All thanks to that one pain-in-the-ass kid. *shudders at the memory*

krupa

#30DaysToThirty : Girl About Town- Abu Dhabi

Did you guys know that MAC Cosmetics has a lipstick called Girl About Town?Okay I am not here to bore you with makeup stuff. I promise.

In June I had the opportunity to go to Abu Dhabi on work for two whole weeks. It was two insane weeks with multiple one days trips to Dubai, at the start of the Ramadan season and unbearable heat. Just imagine what it was like then. I truly believe that clouds are a rare sighting in Abu Dhabi. Well given the hectic schedule that we had, I didn't get to see much. Okay, I didn't get to see anything in Dubai (No Boss, I am not complaining. Just stating). However Abu Dhabi saw me roaming a lot of malls. Fortunately I have an amazing friend there and his beautiful wife (whom I totally fell in love with because she is simply the sweetest. He is lucky to have found her).  So I was well taken care of the entire two weeks.

It was my first trip abroad without family, and sure I had friends and my boss there, but still... I am one of those who never go on solo trips, because I fear being alone. I don't think I can handle being on my own for extended periods of time. And here I was, in a huge hotel room all by myself. I thought it would drive me mad, but you know what, I LOVED it. I looked forward to heading back to the room at the end of the day to just sit on the bed with chocolate or Pringles and sometimes some juice to watch a movie on the laptop or read a book. I never in a million years thought that I would be okay being there with just me. I was truly surprised at how much I had grown as a person.

One evening my boss was out with my other boss and my friend didn't turn up to take me out for the evening because he had fallen asleep. I decided to take a walk to the Corniche. I had heard so much about it and I hadn't had a chance to see it. I got tired of waiting for someone to take me, so I decided to just go by myself. And that was the best decision ever. It was a good 40 minute walk from the place where I was staying but I got to see the sun set. I got to take in all the sights around. I took a bit of a long route and got a bit lost but it was so worth it. The sky was this amazing combination of blue purple pink and golden. I was inspired to do an eye makeup look based on that (which is still pending. But anyway..) I just sat there watching the sun sink into the depths of the ocean. Got a bit emotional at being away from home for so long and shed a few tears. Then took a deep breath and felt myself relax. It was just so beautiful. I felt so connected to the surroundings. I felt so proud of myself and how far I had come in the past year. I just sat and reflected. After a really long time I felt confident and happy. Truly happy.

Some experiences are meant to happen only alone. That walk to Corniche was the highlight of my Abu Dhabi trip (besides shopping at Sephora. But non makeup lovers will not get it). It made me realise the importance of appreciating myself. After all, if you can't love yourself, then no one will love you. Right?

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: When I talk to myself.

Okay so today I have no idea what to write about. I have typed and erased and re typed and deleted a number of posts over the past hour. 

I had dinner. 

I watched Bones. 

I checked my email and refreshed FB enough number of times hoping that something would pop up that would inspire me to write. But all in vain. I sit here just typing out the first thing that comes to mind. Then again, isn't that what blogging is about. The point of having a personal blog is to have a place to voice what's on your mind. Whatever it may be. I know I know, today's post pales in comparison to yesterday. But hello! If every day was an awesome post then nothing would ever stand out. This way if I write a few crappy posts the ones that matter will really touch hearts and souls. 

I never thought writing for 30 days in a row would be SO hard. I have written for a week and I am struggling, wondering how I am going to get through the next 3 weeks!! I feel like I have exhausted all the topics and then I wonder how is it possible that I could have exhausted all the interesting topics in just a week. Am I that boring? (Ok nobody answer that. My ego cannot handle the truth).

Maybe the lack of inspiration is merely because I have had a long day. Maybe it is good that I never took up writing as a career. Oh! Is this what they call as Writer's block? Makes sense. 

Stupid stupid me for taking up such a challenge. What am I possibly trying to achieve by writing every day? I stopped writing in my journal on a daily basis. What could I possibly have to share with the world for 30 days in a row?? I think I haven't dug deep enough. Haven't explored all options. Surely my almost 30 years of existence on this earth has more stories to share. Hmmmm this something to think about and probably discuss tomorrow. I need to sleep on it. Good night. 

I have conversations with myself. Don't you?

Krupa

#30DaysToThirty: A letter to 20 year old me.

Dear 20 year old Me

You will find dozens of lists that tell you places to visit before you turn 30, food to try before you turn 30, activities to tick off before you turn 30, but I'll tell you something, none of those matter. None of those lists define what being 30 is really like or help you get through your life.

Here are some things that do matter.

1) Appreciate your family.

I have this at the top of my list because after all the sh*t you go through between 20 and 30, you realise that the one constant in your life is your family. You fight, you scream, you argue, you say you hate them, but they aren't going anywhere. It is now more than any other time that you realise how much they have been there for you. It is time to give back. Time to appreciate them. I'm not saying tell them 'I love you' every day but atleast take the time to listen to them. Hear what your dad has to say about saving for the future, or when your mom whines about the neighbours downstairs. Don't shut them off. All they want is to be heard.

2) Identify your true friends

So many people will walk in and out of your life. However everyone has a few people who are there. Nope you won't be talking to them on every day basis. You will be too busy for that. Even if you aren't too busy, they sure as hell will be. But that doesn't mean that you aren't friends. If they come running to you when you cry for help, those are the friends you want for life. The kind whose children will grow up to hear stories about you and the kind of friends who your children will look at and pray to have someone like that in their lives. The friendships that last for 30-40 years and more. Make sure you have invested in those kind of relationships before you turn 30 and keep in touch. (I know I am terrible at it)

3) Learn to let go.

Let go of old relationships that didn't work. Let go of 'friends' on facebook. Let go of clothes you know you will never fit into again. Let go of clinging onto people who always shake you off. Let go of clutter. Let go of wanting to be younger. Let's face reality, that is never going to happen. Let go of bad habits like impulsive buying, smoking, binge drinking and hanging out with crappy people who don't make you feel good about yourself.  Your bank balance, your body and your heart cannot handle that kind of abuse any more.

4) Accept who you are.

I don't like to party. I can't eat spicy food. I can't stay up till at 2 am. I have grey hair and crows feet appearing. I am not where I expected to be in my career. I am not married. I am not even in a relationship. I still live with my parents. I don't own an iPhone. I have not read PG Wodehouse. I think waxing is a pain and waste of time so I live with hairy legs. I love wearing saris. I am absolutely judgemental about guys who can't string words together to make a sentence. I don't believe in love at first sight. I love soppy love stories. I am scared of failure. 

You don't need to list out who you are. Just accept it and deal with it. If you can't accept yourself it will affect your confidence to face the world, and trust me, the world will know and you will stamped down till every ounce of your confidence is buried 6 feet under.

5) Find your zen. 

The world is too small. Every person you know will know someone else you know and anything you say can and will be used against you. You don't like someone at work, suck it in and be professional. You can't stand the aunty on the ground floor, well don't meet her. All the negativity will eat into you over time. You won't see it, but slowly the cold hand of hate will cling onto your heart and turn you into a crabby person. Don't let that happen. Identify what makes you peaceful and do that. Read,write, blog, click pictures, sleep, or just drink tea. Find what makes you happy. Don't let some list dictate that.

6) Be passionate.
In a day and age where the need for money grows, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a job that pays well and makes you smile on a Monday morning. If you have found that then that's great. If you haven't, it is still okay. Don't lose out on doing what you love. Just make some time for it. When you have a zest for life, it will shine through everything you do and without that you are just dead inside.

7) Learn how to be alone.
I know you hate being alone even if it is just for a few hours at home. But I am here to tell you that there will reach a point where you will enjoy being alone. Don't be too surprised. It is the natural course of life. So just enjoy it. Experiment with going out alone. I know you love shopping alone so why not love life. Being a single woman isn't too terrible in a male dominated world.

8) Stop comparing.
Man, I can't tell you how easy this is to do. It will always seem like everyone else is ahead of you in life. People will rave about jobs that they love and that are paying them a million bucks. People younger than you will be married and have kids and talk about how those kids are the only thing that matters to them. Others will post pictures of their "life is one huge party" etc etc. Oh who cares!! By the time you hit 30 you will be numb and immune to all of this. The truth is the ones who seem like they have it all are miserable deep down inside, and if they are not, well you don't need to be associated with such perfect people. Everyone has a sore point about their life, they just choose to not show it to the world. That is what you need to do. You need to stop whining about your job, your relationship status and the lack of a social life. If you were a party person, then you would be out there having a ball, not at home whining about it. Like I said before, accept who YOU are and you will automatically stop comparing.

9) Understand that life isn't over when you turn 30.
Remember all the lists that tell you what you should have done when you were 18, 21, 25 etc. Well guess what? Half the people in the world haven't done even one-fourth of those lists. Doesn't make the entire world a bunch of losers now does it?
So maybe you didn't travel Europe when you were 25, maybe you didn't save as much when you were 29, maybe you didn't get drunk and pass out when you were 21, maybe you didn't find that blogging and writing could be a career when you were 18. So what? Life isn't over.You are just turning 30, not 80. You don't need a bucket list now. You probably never need a bucket list. Our whole lives have become so dictated by what everyone else says especially some random strangers on the internet. When are you going to live by what you want?

10) Change your lifestyle.
If you've accepted who you are and found your zen and let go of the past, the only thing left to do is to change your lifestyle. Change is growth. Allow yourself to grow. So maybe you like broccoli now (eugh I can't imagine that ever happening but I am just saying). Maybe you would rather spend more time cooking than socialising. Maybe you want to watch action movies instead of romance. It isn't weird. After all change is the only constant.

I can't promise that life will be rosy if you figure out all of this by the time you are 30. Hell I don't think life is ever rosy, but it gets easier if you hang in there. Life can be a total b*tch, no one denied that but you get stronger as well.Trust me you will grow into the responsible adult with a sunshine kid inside of her without even realising it. Take care.

Love
Almost 30 year old Me

#30DaysToThirty: The Father-Daughter Deepavali Ritual

It is amazing how somethings just become a ritual without you even realising it. It may start as just a simple task and before you know it you look forward to doing it every year.

For my household making Gulab Jamuns for Deepavali is a ritual. I know you are wondering "Umm why is that so special and why is it worthy of a blog post?"

Being Tam Bram our Deepavali is almost always one day before other parts of India. More important than the Deepavali day is the night before Deepavali. We call it as Neer Roppara pandigai (Water filling festival) and that is when we have a feast with potato curry and onion sambar and vada and payasam. If you aren't Tam Bram then you are surely wondering why onion sambar is a huge deal. We don't use onion and garlic during festival time. Technically we are not supposed to use it at all but that is a topic for another day. Let's not get diverted.

Once we are done with the heavy meal and basically cannot move to do any work, mom cleans the kitchen and then we (father and daughter) get to making Gulab Jamun. This of course takes a lot "when shall we start" questions and "I just need two minutes to finish this" statements before we actually start. Now the steps are split between us.

I make the sugar syrup. Dad will interfere and say add more sugar, more vanilla essence, more everything. Also mom has keep all the ingredients out, preferably measured and kept.
Dad mixes the dough after asking mom where the ghee is and whether the consistency looks soft enough.
I roll the small balls while whining about it is not coming evenly and trying to decide on the perfect size.
Dad fries them while complaining that the oil in the kadai is not enough and the jamuns have just go down and then float back up like in the oil commercials.
Sister turns up in time to eat them. (Yes she is extremely useful. NOT)

This whole process takes about an hour and half. We generally start around 10.30pm and end at midnight, Taste atleast one gulab jamun and then go to sleep. God forbid if the spoon doesn't glide through the jamun when it is cut and it doesn't melt in your mouth. Deepavali is then effectively ruined.

During this whole time we sing, play songs, disturb my mother by asking where the sugar is, where the weighing scale is, why can't anything be kept labelled in this kitchen, and generally have some supposedly quality family time.

Our awesomely soft sweet gulab jamuns is what goes for distribution to the neighbours and colleagues and friends while my mother says with pride that it was made by her husband and her daughter and she didn't have to do a thing. (We know the truth. Shhh..)

That is our little father-daughter(s) Deepavali ritual. What's yours?

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: 5 reasons to watch VIP

I don't know how some people do it, but some stories make you laugh, cry and yet make you think. I never understood what all the hype was about till I watched Vellai Illa Pattadhari.


5 reasons why I liked loved the movie.

1) It highlights the problem which is the gap between our education system and careers.

Dhanush plays the quintessential tamizh boy. The one you see next door, or walking by you on the road. An engineer by degree, he could have done what most engineers do, take up the first job that comes via campus placement which forces one to get into the IT field even if they have a mechanical or civil background. How does this make sense?? Why have those fields of study if no one is going to offer them a job in that line? It is about time things change.

2) Facebook can be useful.

I absolutely agree with this. Facebook was built for networking. Use it that way. The scene where Dhanush gathers a group of engineers by asking for help via FB is not impossible. Social media can be useful. It is all about how you use it.

3) No unnecessary romance

Amala Paul plays the role of the beautiful girl next door. There are no extensive romance scenes. No dates in fancy hotels. No ill timed duets in foreign locations. No unnecessary drama from her side. The perfect supporting role.

4) Comedy is about timing.

Vivek is the comedian in the movie but they introduce him much later. All of the scenes that have you roaring with laughter are built in to the scene itself. There are no statements with double meaning or forced jokes. It is a normal household with a regular family just like you and me. They have fights and dialogues like any one would have with their family. Extremely natural. Like the scene where the mother slaps Dhanush for talking back to his father and the father reprimands her for hitting their grown up son. Neither mother nor father want to give up their son. Isn't what happens in any house?

5) Dhanush's style

I know so many people rave about Rajni's style but off late I seem to have noticed that Dhanush has certain traits that are similar to Rajni. The long drawn dialogues, the way he flicks his hair, the cigarette holding style, and even the laugh. Have you guys noticed that or is it just me?

All in all I see no reason why everyone should not watch the movie. Realistic. Practical and gives a lovely message. What's not to love.
Don't expect to grow overnight like him. Don't wait for tragedy to hit you for you to grow up in life. But do put yourself out there and have faith in your abilities.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: To Yourself

I hate calling my poems as poems. I prefer to call them verses. I don't think they are worthy of being called as poems. Anyway I did a little digging into the old verses that I have written and found one that isn't too embarrassing to be put up. So here goes...

Whatever is over, is over and done.

But what has to be done is much much more

So don't even bother to turn around.

In front of you is opportunity's door.

The past is gone, the future unknown

Only the present is known.

Okay I am sure this did not sound this lame when I wrote it a decade ago. Yet I am going to hit publish because this just goes to show how much my writing has evolved (or so I like to believe. Please be nice and don't burst my bubble).

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: Number 5 on The List is Paragliding. Check.

I have acrophobia. Well I don't sweat buckets when I am on top of a hill, but I am kinda of scared of heights. It is something that I have always been trying to overcome.

I learnt to climb trees as a child in an attempt to scale greater heights and well to keep up with the boys in the apartment. Who said boys had to have all the fun? I forced myself to tackle the jungle gym with as much as ease as possible.

Then came the ultimate test for my fear. Paragliding.

We had gone to Manali and went paragliding at Kulu. I was all excited and totally up for the challenge right till I reached the top of the hill. The entire jeep ride up to the top was fine. Then we had to walk to the jumping off point and the fear that hit was intense. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when your palms are all sweaty and moments from your life flash before your eyes because you are sure this would be your last day on earth. That kind of a fear.

I walked slowly to the top and debated on whether I should backwards instead of forward. Each step seemed like a step toward impending doom and I was wondering what the hell I was thinking saying yes to jumping off a 6000 feet high hill. Evidently the clean Manali air had messed with my head. I was not used to having clarity. All decisions were made with noise in the background. (Try living with neighbours whose tv speakers face the common corridor). For the first time I could hear my mind voice loud and clear - YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. ARE YOU MAD?

We reached the jump off point and while my feet remained transfixed in one place, my eyes wandered. One of the pilots (the guys who would do the jump with us) called me forward. "Why me", I whined out aloud. Before I could react further, two men stood one either side of me, put my arms through a harness, strapped a belt around my waist and told me to hold the harness. I was still trying to grasp what they were saying (mostly because my Hindi is that bad), when suddenly one them held the harness and dragged me off the edge. Literally.

I could hear my mother in the background telling to chant "Sai Ram Sai Ram" to ease my fear. I was too busy screaming because I was pretty sure that there was no pilot strapped along with me and I was just going to be gliding on my own and crash to a gory death among the rocks. (It was 6000feet above ground level, shit scared would be an understatement)

Then it happened, I stopped mid way of a scream because I was already mid air. I could feel the wind playing with my tresses. I took a deep breath of the fresh air and sighed in relief. This was beautiful!! And well I wasn't going to die. I was sitting extremely comfortably and strapped behind was a really nice pilot who kept asking me if I was afraid. "Me? afraid?  Hell no" is what I wanted to reply, but I decided to be modest and say "thoda". It was a breathtaking view and that feeling of gliding in the safety of a harness is par to none other. It really was a one of a kind experience and I have no regrets.

There I did it. Ticked one more thing off my "30 things to do before I turn 30 list". Okay I admit there is no such list. Shhh..

krupa

#30DaysToThirty- 5 things that are not very popularly known about me

Number 1:

I hate honey, dates and raisins but I love bittergourd.

Yeah I know I am strange like that. I do have honey and lemon with hot water every morning and so I guess I am okay with honey. Thankfully I am great at swallowing capsules and I don't need to swallow honey with it. 

Number 2: 

I have a root cap. 

As a child (well more like teenager) I jumped over a wall and fell face first and it was extremely traumatic, both physically and emotionally. Ended up breaking a tooth and hence the root cap. (sure, go ahead and stare at my smile the next time you see me. I DARE YOU!)

Number 3:

Chemistry was NOT my favourite subject in school.

Contrary to popular belief (I have always wanted to use that phrase in a statement) though I am a Chemistry teacher it was never my favourite subject as a student. How am I teaching it you ask? Well it happens. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean you won't be good at it. Give it a shot and you never know, you may end up excelling in it. Oh I should also mention that you need to work extra hard, but then it becomes 'your success story' and is totally worth the hard work!

Number 4:

I have had a journal since I was 13. 

Yes it is true. I have had a personal diary since I was 13 and No, I am not going to share that with any of you.I have always loved writing. It has always been therapeutic and cathartic for me and it is mine! Ever heard of personal? Well my diaries are personal.  

Number 5:
I have Road Rage.
You won't hear me use cuss words out aloud but if you could look inside my head when a person cuts in front of me without using a signal or a pedestrian crosses looking at only one side of a road, you will wonder if it is the same person. I have a dark side too and you do not want to cross my path. Literally.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty: The Raghu Dixit Experience

There are very few things that can keep me away from shopping especially when I see handmade goods and Raghu Dixit managed that.

The Midnight Mela at UB city captured my attention more because my sister was playing with Raghu Dixit and the entry was free, and less because it was also a flea market.


What follows is the post that I wrote while at the gig.

There are some experiences that need to be documented immediately because I can feel the words rolling about in my head waiting to tumble out. I am standing in the Raghu Dixit show at UB City as I type this. Yes it is a crime to type while the music makes you want to head bang but if I don't do it now, then I may not have a post for tonight.. Watching Gaurav and Raghu headbang while playing the guitar made me wonder 2 things

1) How do you manage to make sure that your fingers are on the right notes while your head goes up and down
2) Does you head not hurt at the end of it?

Raghu Dixit is not a person. He is more like a presence. The epitome of eccentricity and I mean that in the nicest way possible. From the choice of stage attire- lungis, to the kannada songs with rock music and let's not forget the slightly A level jokes that were censored but not censored. It is very hard for the audience to not laugh at him, with him and identify with the cracks made at them.

There were 11 year old girls singing "gudugudiya sedi nodo" and jiba clad uncles nodding their heads (I think that was their version of headbanging) and 20 year olds jumping up and down, and also aunties in salwars snapping their fingers to the scintillating rhythms. The variety in the audience and the fact that most of them, actually almost all of them knew the words to many of the songs made me realise that this man was something else. My father aptly called him a "Cult".

Bringing out the deeper meanings from old Kannda poems and setting them to a tune that could make a granny in a wheelchair want to dance, is what Raghu Dixit Project is all about. He is enriching the next generation with raagas and thathvams (philosophies of life) in a way so subtle yet so powerful, it is no wonder that this man has such a huge following!!.

His life is story is one of those stereotypical ones where the underdog get discovered one fine day in a small dim lit pub, and then the rest is history. Nope, that is not what makes his music special. His ability to make people appreciate the old Kannada poems is his forte. For the ease of non Kannadigas he made sure to translate and give a gist of each of the songs, a personal touch that was heart warming.

Watching him live was an experience, something that my eyes, ears and feet will never forget. He gave me goosepimples and a slight headache from trying to headbang, but I know I stood mesmerised oblivious of the time and all the stalls selling fancy items behind me.

The Raghu Dixit Project is like a tasty meal, leaves feeling full but yet wanting more. An experience indeed.

krupa

#30DaysToThirty- I write because....

Apparently 30 days is the time required for as task to become a habit, so or I was told by a friend. (I remember reading it as 21 days, but for the sake of this series 30 days it is).

This is fuelled by a number of related and unrelated reasons.

1) First of all, I need to write more. I totally let laziness get in the way of me writing and all the thoughts that should come tumbling down are stuffed back inside my head only to be pushed into a corner and lost in a black hole.

2) Second of all, there is a 30 day blogging challenge going around and it started on November 1st. Clearly I didn't start on time, so I am creating my own 30 day challenge

3) The third reason is now seemed like a good time as any to get on with a bunch of lifestyle changes including spending some more ME time. 

So a blogging challenge usually requires a prompt every day and I am going to be picking up prompts from all over the place and using it to get the creative juices flowing. 

Moving onto today's prompt- I write because...

I write because it is the time I spend with myself. The time I take to talk to ME, as crazy as that sounds. 

I write because it gives me clarity. I can honestly pen down what I feel.

I write because when my feet can't dance, my pen does to the tune of my thoughts. 

I write because bottling up emotions is no way to live.

I write because the sadness inside of me needs a place to hide outside of me.

I write because sometimes the words I say can never truly justify the chaos inside of me.

I write because when no one wants to listen, I still want to be heard.

I write because the rage inside of me can be be more constructive. 

I write because the happiness it gives me is second to none.

I write because it does what alcohol cannot.

I write because self discovery is an actual thing.

I write because it is what I do best.

krupa

Teachers Day Special: 5 reasons why I miss being a school teacher.

It has been close to a year since I wrote here. So many things change in a year. So many! Maybe a little too much. It seemed apt for me to be back for Teachers Day. Sure I am not doing mainstream teaching now but the teacher in me never slept. However I do miss being in a school.

Reason 1: The Company
I promise that I had the best set of colleagues ever!! I still go back to meet them, but it isn't the same. I mean of course it can't be the same, I am not there any more to be a part of the gossip, the laughter, the politics and the dances. What makes them so special you ask? The way they supported me, inspired and took care of me. It was like having 9 mothers and a few sisters (It did get a bit smothering at times, but that's the pinch of salt in the mixture). I know that I have been spoilt for any other educational institution. None can live up to this.

Reason 2: Impromptu holidays
Every time there is a bandh or a strike, I sigh and think to myself at how lucky school teachers are. I was that teacher once. The teacher who would be answering atleast a dozen calls and messages the morning of the bandh to confirm that school was definitely closed for the day.

Reason 3: The Substitution of classes.
Getting alloted a substitution class in a free period is what every teacher hates. The one hour that she should have had free between the endless number of other classes is now ruined by the fact that she has to babysit a class and give up time that was supposed to be hers. If the class is not one of her regulars then she can't even teach and complete portions. She will merely have to sit and maintain silence. How boring.
Now why do I miss substitution of classes after complaining about it so much? Well I saw it as a challenge. If I could walk into school, get alloted a substitution in the morning, go to that class, keep them engaged, silent and yet get my work done, I would consider that as an accomplishment. I would pat myself on the back and stare in amazement at the woman in the mirror who was so talented.
Sitting at home ensuring that the milk does not burn while replying to text messages, trying to answer the doorbell and sweeping the hall is not half as good as that. See I was definitely a better teacher than a caretaker of the home.

Reason 4: Summer holidays/ Christmas holidays/ Dussera Vacation
The first thing we would do on getting the school calendar would be to highlight the holidays in hearts and bright colours. Looking forward to those days would help us get past the other days when we ran from class to class. Also for most of us aka yours truly, the holidays were the only times when we weren't playing teacher, power point maker, photographer, editor, choreographer, agony aunt, policewoman, and counsellor all in one. Looking back now I really have no idea how I managed it. Holidays were just me, me and me time.  Boy! Those were good times.

Reason 5: Learning from the Experienced.
Anyone who knows me, know how much I have complained and whined and cried about corrections. Especially about Board Corrections. However looking back now I realise how lucky I was to get to go for it. The amount of experience and knowledge I gained from those 15 days of sitting in uncomfortable chairs and getting backaches was absolutely worth it!! The confidence that I have today to be able to teach definitely stems from knowing that I am one of the privileged few who had the opportunity to interact with so many other chemistry teachers from different schools and learn from them. That experience is something that is worthy of its own blog post and I am going to work on that. Eventually.

I guess there are a lot more reasons I miss being a teacher. The energy of a classroom. The hyperactive young minds. The chaos. The noise. The power to stand silently and get pin drop silence in the class. Interacting with kids who probably could teach me chemistry. *long dramatic sigh* SO So many reasons.
But hey. this post wasn't about feeling sad. It was just me talking to you. It has been a while you see.

Till next time...